I’ve wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember, and I’ve spent the last 10 years of my life looking for the person I want to co-parent with. But after all that time, I’ve finally realized that I don’t need or even want to have a partner when I have kids. Here’s why I’m ready to have kids on my own.
I’m financially stable. It’s taken me so much hard work and time to get to the point where I am truly solid financially. I’ve worked my butt off and am very proud of my accomplishments. I know that I have more than enough resources to support a child on my own, and that has always been one of the main factors in my decision about whether or not to start a family.
I have an amazing community of friends. They say it takes a village to raise a child and I’ve always believed that. Having a group of dedicated friends who can be there for my children even when I can’t is more important to me than providing a father for them. As long as they know they’re loved and supported by a network of devoted people, they’ll have everything they’ll ever need.
My career is solid. I am very fortunate to be working in a place where I can have fully paid maternity leave for several months and ease back into my job when I’m ready. Not everyone is lucky enough to have this professional luxury, but as a soon-to-be single mom, it’s the reassurance I require in order to get pregnant. I need to know I’ll have a job to go back to that I love and find truly fulfilling.
I don’t need the hassle of a relationship. To be honest, relationships are often more trouble than they’re worth. Having a baby is challenging enough. I don’t want to have to navigate the ways in which a newborn would transform my relationship with a partner too. I’m totally OK with going easy on myself and taking my challenges one at a time.
I love being single. It may have taken me most of my adult life so far to figure this out, but I genuinely love being on my own. I’m happy and content when I’m single, and even though I may be in the minority and misunderstood by general society, I’m comfortable with not being in a relationship. My life is more varied and fulfilling when I’m single, and I’ve finally come to terms with that and stopped trying to come up with excuses when people press me on the issue.
I don’t need a partner to complete a family. The whole idea of the nuclear family is an outdated cliche that invalidates all the healthy, happy families that don’t fit its exact mold. I have absolutely no doubt that my children will feel just as much a part of a family with a single mom as they would with two parents, and anyone who suggests otherwise is offensive.
I’m still open to finding a partner, but there’s no ticking clock. I’ll never rule out the possibility of finding someone I want to spend my life with and integrate into my family, but I’ve stopped believing that I need someone else to “complete” me. I used to feel like there was some countdown to when I’d be past the age of getting married, but I know now that that’s total BS. I’ll be just as much of a catch in 20 years as I was a decade ago.
I’ve been in love before, but I’ve never met anyone I’d want to have a child with. I would never compromise on who I choose to settle down with and would rather be childless forever than compromise on who I choose to be the father of my children. I’ve had plenty of fulfilling and meaningful romantic relationships, but the fact remains that none of them was the person I wanted to share parenthood with.
I know I can provide more than enough love for my child. The most important thing in a child’s life is knowing they’re loved, and while I acknowledge that having two parents who love you endlessly and unconditionally is hard to beat, I’d argue that having one parent who can provide all the love in the world is just as good. I have no fears about my ability to love my child just as much as he or she could ever need.
I want to have a baby on my own terms. Having a child with a partner comes with all kinds of compromises. Not only do you have to agree on timing and (possibly) names, you also have to figure out a compatible parenting style and code of ethics to instill in your children from day one. No matter how compatible you and your partner may be on your own, chances are you will have very different views on parenting once your baby arrives. I’m more than happy to rule that conflict out from the very start.
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