Healthy relationships are centered on respect, trustworthiness, communication, and affection. However, not all couples prioritize these traits and instead they get caught up in destructive behaviors that completely derail the partnership and its ability to thrive. Here are some of the worst things toxic couples do that healthy ones wouldn’t dream of.
1. They use the silent treatment.
Toxic couples often resort to the silent treatment as a form of punishment or manipulation. Instead of addressing issues openly and honestly, they give each other the cold shoulder, which only escalates the tension and resentment. Healthy couples, on the other hand, communicate their feelings and resolve conflicts in a more constructive way.
2. They keep score.
In toxic relationships, partners tend to keep score of each other’s mistakes so they can use them as ammunition in future arguments. This turns the atmosphere into a competitive one rather than a cooperative one. Healthy couples understand that everyone makes mistakes, and they focus on forgiveness and growth.
3. They ignore or disrespect boundaries.
Toxic couples completely railroad each other’s personal boundaries without thinking twice. This can lead one or both partners to feel violated and uncomfortable. Healthy couples respect and uphold each other’s personal boundaries, understanding that they’re crucial for mutual respect and individuality. (By the way, if you’re sick of ending up in relationships like the ones described in this list, check out our sister site, Sweetn. They can help!)
4. They engage in power struggles.
In toxic relationships, there is often a continuous struggle for power and control. One partner may dominate the other, making decisions without discussing them with the other and belittling their opinions. On the flip side, healthy couples understand the importance of equality and shared decision-making.
5. They criticize each other in public.
Toxic couples tend to air their grievances publicly, criticizing each other in front of friends or family. Talk about awkward! This can be embarrassing and damaging to the relationship. Healthy couples, however, address their issues privately and respectfully, maintaining each other’s dignity.
6. They have frequent jealous outbursts.
Toxic couples tend to get jealous a lot, leading to possessiveness and mistrust. This erodes the foundation of the relationship and creates tension that’s really hard to disperse. Healthy couples trust each other and know that jealousy is not a sign of love but of insecurity and destruction.
7. They neglect each other’s needs.
In toxic relationships, partners often neglect each other’s emotional, physical, or mental needs. They may dismiss their partner’s feelings or prioritize their own needs over their partner’s. Thankfully, healthy couples understand that a relationship involves mutual care and consideration.
8. Their communication is overwhelmingly negative.
Toxic couples communicate by using criticism, sarcasm, and contempt. This creates a hostile environment and always breeds resentment. Healthy couples communicate using more positive methods and language, even during disagreements, which encourages respect and understanding.
9. They hold grudges.
Toxic couples often hold grudges, letting past mistakes cloud their present relationship. This prevents them from moving forward and perpetuates a cycle of resentment. Healthy couples, however, know the importance of forgiveness and letting go in order to maintain harmony in the relationship.
10. They don’t invest in personal growth.
In toxic relationships, personal growth is often stifled since one or both partners may be controlling or overly dependent. There’s little room for individual development or personal interests, which can be suffocating. However, healthy couples encourage each other’s personal growth and celebrate their individual achievements.
11. They avoid tough conversations.
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Toxic couples often avoid talking about things that are awkward or that might potentially cause conflict, which might save them in the moment but ultimately lead to unresolved issues and more misunderstandings. Meanwhile, healthy couples understand that tough conversations are necessary for not letting things blow up.
12. They have unhealthy dependencies.
In toxic relationships, partners tend to seek constant validation from the other or rely excessively on each other for happiness. Healthy couples, however, maintain their individuality and understand that a healthy relationship involves two whole individuals coming together.
13. They manipulate each other.
Toxic couples often resort to manipulation, using guilt, threats, or emotional blackmail to control each other. This creates a power imbalance and encourages distrust. Healthy couples, on the other hand, interact honestly and respectfully without resorting to underhanded tactics.
14. They disrespect each other.
In toxic relationships, disrespect is often evident in the form of name-calling, belittling, or constant criticism. This destroys self-esteem and can cause lasting damage. Healthy couples, however, treat each other with respect, even when they disagree. It’s really not that hard!
15. They ignore red flags.
Toxic couples tend to turn a blind eye to warning signs in their relationship, ultimately overlooking harmful behaviors or patterns. This can and does usually lead to a cycle of unhealthy behaviors. Healthy couples, however, address red flags as they arise, working together to find solutions and improve their relationship.
16. They use love as a bargaining chip.
In toxic relationships, love is often used as a tool for manipulation. One partner may withhold affection as a form of punishment or control, or they might constantly question the other’s love as a way to make them feel guilty. This creates a transactional and unstable environment. Healthy couples, on the other hand, understand that love isn’t a bargaining chip but a shared feeling of mutual respect, care, and commitment.
17. They refuse to own up to their mistakes.
They may refuse to admit their mistakes or they might offer insincere apologies just to end an argument when it’s abundantly clear that they’re not really sorry. This stubbornness prevents resolution and can lead to lingering resentment. Healthy couples, however, understand the power of a genuine apology. They’re not afraid to admit their mistakes and they strive to make amends because they know that it’s key to maintaining respect and understanding in the relationship.
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