In today’s world, it’s hard for a woman not to feel self-conscious. Whether it’s from the media or learned behavior from childhood, low self-esteem isn’t fun. Not only can it hold you back and keep you playing small, it can also affect your romantic relationships. Here are 17 things a woman with low self-esteem will do in a relationship.
1. Test her partner
Because of her lack of self-esteem, it’ll be hard for her to believe that she can be truly loved. So, she’ll test her partner every chance she gets. Whether it’s threatening to leave or something less extreme, she’ll do this in order to get a response from her partner and see how much they actually care.
2. Accept bad behavior
Here’s the truth: people with high self-worth don’t accept bad behavior. They know what they deserve and won’t take anything less. On the other side of the spectrum, there’s the woman with low self-esteem—she doesn’t deem herself worthy so she accepts not-so-great behavior. This could look like going back to her ex after they cheated or continuing to not stand up for herself, and it’s a sign of low self-confidence.
3. Get jealous of other people
When a woman is ranking low in the confidence department, she’ll likely be jealous of other people. Of course, certain boundaries shouldn’t be crossed (for example, staying in contact with an ex) but this is a whole other level. It’s not uncommon for a woman who deals with insecurities to ask their partner to stop talking to all women in their life—their boss, colleagues, college friends, or even relatives. Two words: no healthy.
4. Pick fights about her partner’s past
When she’s overly fixated on her partner’s past—and makes it clearly known—that’s a big tell of low self-esteem. Her partner might have casually mentioned the ex while telling a story and that sets all of her alarms off. It’s threatening because she already doesn’t think she’s good enough for her partner, so anything having to do with a past relationship is triggering.
5. Bring her partner with her everywhere
A huge sign of low self-esteem is codependency. She’ll want to spend every waking moment with her partner and spend zero time alone. Her friends and family haven’t seen her without her partner in years and it’s unhealthy. Don’t get us wrong, it’s a great thing to want to spend time with your partner, but not when the entirety of your confidence depends on it.
6. Monitor her partner’s social media activity
She closely tracks her partner’s every move, especially when it comes to online behavior. Every new like, every new follow, every post sends her down the rabbit hole. She’ll follow anyone who dares to follow her S.O. and maybe even go as far as messaging them to back off. The point is: that she’s looking for something to prove her self-concept (which is low) right.
7. Go through her partner’s phone
When she’s dealing with low self-esteem, she’ll lack trust in her partner. Sometimes, that manifests as her going through her partner’s phone. She’ll look at text threads, photo albums, and notes to make sure that her partner isn’t cheating or planning to leave. Toxic behavior.
8. Blow up her partner’s phone
When her partner is out with their friends or at work, a woman with low confidence can be found sending text after text. Her insecurities cause her to spiral about where her partner is, what they’re doing, and if they still love her. She doesn’t trust easily (or at all, really), so if she can’t see you, she assumes the worst.
9. Stay even when she’s not happy
Even if she’s miserable, her inner critic will convince her that there’s no point leaving because she can’t do any better. Also, because she has low self-esteem, she doesn’t want to be alone—she’d rather stay in an unhappy situation than have no situation.
10. Ask her partner for feedback on clothing
You’d be hard-pressed to find a woman who didn’t occasionally ask her partner for their feedback on her outfit. But with a woman who has low self-esteem, it’s not sometimes…it’s always. Constantly wanting your partner’s thoughts on every single outfit and seeking validation is a tell-tale sign of low confidence.
11. Display trust issues
Her low self-confidence can lead her to believe that she can’t create a healthy and authentic connection. So, as a way to protect herself, she’ll assume the worst—that her partner’s being dishonest. Her underlying insecurities lead to doubts about her partner and the relationship.
12. Get upset easily
Let’s say she’s out shopping with her partner and she asks them what they think about a pair of pants. Their partner responds “Nice!,” and then continues looking at their phone. Even though it’s a seemingly innocent comment, a woman with low confidence will often get upset because it wasn’t the reaction she was looking for. She’ll then convince herself that her partner doesn’t think she’s attractive and it’ll continue to spiral from there.
13. Compare herself to others
The thing about a woman who has low self-esteem is that she’ll often rank herself as second-best. Meaning, she compares herself to anyone and everyone. Whether it’s the waitress who seemed a touch too cozy with her partner or a long-time friend who she’s always had suspicions about, she’ll always be looking to see how she stacks up to others.
14. Sabotage the relationship
Even if everything seems to be going perfectly fine, a woman who thinks lowly of herself will find any way to pick at the relationship. That’s because if something is going well, she thinks it’s “too good to be true.” To support that theory (and the fear of not being good enough), she’ll invent problems that weren’t even there to begin with.
15. Idealize her partner
When she devalues herself, other people, by default, are put on a pedestal. So even if her partner might not be the greatest or has some blaring red flags, she’ll view them as flawless or perfect. Low self-esteem can make her blind to her partner’s setbacks.
16. Constantly apologize
She’ll say sorry even when it’s not her fault. That’s because she doesn’t want any criticism and is a pro at avoiding conflict at all costs. This might seem like a good quality, but it’s not—taking ownership of your mistakes is one thing, but taking responsibility for other people’s mistakes to keep the peace is a whole other ball game.
17. Seek external validation
A lot of women who view themselves in this light will often look for validation outside of their relationship. Whether that’s virtual (social media likes, comments, or follow) or in-person (fishing for compliments from friends and coworkers)—this is unhealthy behavior that signifies low self-worth.
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