Occasionally, even if we’re completely in love, things happen that make us realize we need to take a break from our relationship. Sometimes that break is permanent and other times it’s a temporary thing that’s just necessary in making our relationship stronger and having an even better chance to succeed in the long run. Since the latter can sometimes be the case, before you do make the decision to get back together with your ex, here are the things that you should ask yourself first.
Why did we break up?
It’s important to pinpoint why you broke up in the first place and if that reason is something that can be worked through. If you broke up because there was a whole load of lying and cheating going on, that doesn’t exactly mean round two is going to be any better.
Can we rationally discuss where we went wrong last time?
It’s important to discuss why you broke up and do so in a civil manner. You need to be able to address it openly and honestly.
Do I harbor resentment?
Resentment is something that doesn’t go away very easily. If there is any sort of resentment over the breakup for whatever reason, that’s not a good sign.
Am I able to forgive the messy fallout?
Even mutual breakups can result in some pretty harsh words, from both parties. Granted, these are things that are said in the heat of the moment, but you can’t let that negative energy linger because it will just interfere with your second attempt.
Are we willing to make compromises?
Maybe your relationship ended because one of you was a workaholic and the other felt ignored because of it. These are perfect examples of things that need compromise on if you want any hope of making it work.
Did we set goals for ourselves and accomplish them while we were apart?
When people take a break, it gives them the perfect time to focus on themselves and what they want. You want to have attained those goals, or at least made valiant steps toward procuring them.
Have I grown since the break up?
You want to be able to answer this with a big fat YES, because growing is essential so you bring your new and improved self back to the relationship.
Have they grown since the split?
If you’ve grown, then they better have grown, too.
Why do we want to get back together?
You should be able to answer this clearly without even the slightest hesitant and that answer should involve more than, “Well, we’re in love.” In the real world, successful relationships need more than love; they need partnership, equality, and support.
Has there been enough time so we can start new without rehashing the past?
You can’t get back together after just a couple weeks a part, because nothing will have changed. You need ample time apart so you really can begin again as the new and improved people you are now.
Have the issues that caused problems been remedied?
Maybe there were financial issues because one of you was unemployed or you were dealing with a long distance relationship – whatever those issues were, they need to be fixed before you can make another go of it.
Is what we have worth trying again?
You shouldn’t have to hesitate to answer this question. If you do, I think you know your answer.
Will we both be willing to give it our all this time?
You can’t half-ass a relationship if you want it to work. You either give your 110% or expect it fail. Again.
Can we resolve problems with discussion instead of just giving up?
Relationships take work, and you need to want to put in the necessary effort.
Do we have realistic expectations for our relationship and ourselves?
Because relationships aren’t easy, you can’t let yourself be delusional; you need to be realistic about what you want, what they want, and how the relationship will benefit.
Are we ready to focus on the future?
If you’re just looking to start dating your ex again for some casual sex, then nix that idea immediately. You’re either in it to win it, or just don’t bother.
Can you get back together without your friends and family giving you the third degree?
Well, can you? Or have you dragged your ex’s name through the mud so badly that they’ll never be allowed without 500 feet of the people who love you most?
Do they bring out the best in you?
Some people bring out the best in us and some people bring out the worst. It’s the person that makes you feel strong and confident that you want to be with. If they couldn’t give you that during your first try as a couple, and haven’t changed enough to give you that the second time, then accept that maybe getting back together again is a bad idea and it’s time to meet someone new.
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