When you’re single, everyone — especially that frenemy who finally found a guy after years of being alone and now thinks she knows everything — has something to say. Some of the advice is well-intentioned and, we admit, even right on but that doesn’t mean it’s not annoying as f*ck, like:
Maybe you should make a vision board.
Yeah? Maybe I should say abracadabra over a top hat while I’m at it.
Are you going to the right places?
There are “right” places?? OMG. I had no idea. Please give me the addresses of all of them right now. I’m going to go there immediately to get my future husband.
Just freeze your eggs.
Sure, I’ll do it during lunchtime. It’s as easy as getting a facial, right? Um, an invasive surgical facial that involves days of ass injections.
Have you tried online?
I have chronic eye strain from excessive Tinder swiping, thank you.
You have so much freedom.
Yeah, I love being able to do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it… by myself.
You have to love yourself first.
Believe me, I do — almost nightly.
Stop being so picky.
Right. Because I should really have given that guy — the one who flossed his teeth at the table on our first date — a second chance.
Of course this one always comes from the married friend who is exhausted by the husband she found after she decided to… wait for it… stop being so picky.
You need to date a nice guy.
Yeah, I tried that but he turned out to be an loser.
You sound a little bitter.
That’s because I am. And you telling me that doesn’t help, btw.
Being married is not all it’s cracked up to be.
Oh okay, I guess I’ll just give up then.
You’re never going to meet someone sitting in your apartment.
What do you think the FedEx guy is delivering twice a week?
You need to learn to enjoy being by yourself.
But I’m never going to meet someone sitting in my apartment!
It’s a volume game — you just have to meet as many men as you can and one of them will work.
If that were true, I would have been married at 22.
It’s when you stop looking that it’ll finally happen.
Does this work if you stop looking just so it’ll finally happen?
You should keep a gratitude journal.
Being single is way better than being in a crappy relationship.
Oh! I’ll put that in my gratitude journal.
You’re still young — you have plenty of time.
Every egg in a woman’s body has been there since birth. You were saying?
You better hurry up — you’re running out of time.
If you’re not my mom and you say this out loud, we’re never speaking again. If you’re my mom, you’re walking home.
You’re just not open to love.
That’s not what my one-night stand said last night
You’ve been too focused on work.
So, are you going to support me when I get fired
You’re too independent.
Last week, you told me men love a challenge.
Maybe you should have a baby on your own. But I thought I needed sperm?
If you’re single, tell us what drives you crazy in the comments!
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