I Think I’m Pretty Awesome, But I Seem To Scare Guys Away

For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why none of the guys I liked ever showed any interest in me. After a lot of trial and error, I finally realized that the reason I’m perpetually single might be because a lot of men find me too much to handle. As a strong, independent woman, the idea that my personality might be repelling men kind of disturbs me, but this is why I feel like it’s the only explanation for why I’m still alone:

  1. I have a strong personality. Yeah, I have opinions and I show my feelings. I’m not a robot, but I’m not obnoxious and dramatic either. I just like to show my sarcastic side and give people a little jerk. I don’t see what’s so bad about that. My friends seem to be fine with it, so where are the dudes who can hang?
  2. I say what I think and feel. No, I’m not going to suppress who I am to attract a man.  I’m a grown woman, and I’m entitled to speak my opinion and engage in debate if needs be. I shouldn’t even have to say that in 2016, but there seem to still be a ton of guys out there who think that women are meant to be seen and not heard.
  3. I’m independent. I’m perfectly okay without a guy in my life, and but I wouldn’t mind having a partner by my side. But sometimes, I feel like the fact that I can stand so well on my own makes some guys feel vulnerable and insecure. I don’t want a guy who can’t handle my self-reliance, but it’s getting frustrating to realize that my independence seems to be such a turnoff.
  4. I refuse to change myself for a guy. I’m not about to go presenting a different image of who I am just to snag a man. He’ll figure out the truth eventually and we’ll have to part ways anyway. That sounds like a lot of work for nothing to me. I’d rather stay single forever and be myself than change to be unhappy with a significant other.
  5. I won’t water down who I am. I’ve literally been told before that I need to “soften my approach”. I was young at the time, and I thought the guy who said it was right. If he told me that now, I’d laugh at him and walk away. These days, I know myself, I love myself, and I’m secure enough to adjust my personality the way I want to.
  6. The only guys who like me aren’t available. The few guys who aren’t intimidated by me are inevitably already taken. Maybe that’s why they aren’t scared in the first place: there’s no risk involved in appreciating me for who I am. But of course, I’d never date a taken man, so I’m still going to be stuck in singledom until I find a single man who can handle me.
  7. I’m not aggressive — I’m just not a doormat. I’m actually an affectionate person; I’m just not going to pretend to be weak to stroke some dude’s ego. If a guy can’t see me as his equal and respect me for the strength I possess, then he’s not for me. I’m going to treat him as well as I should, but I’m not going to lie down and take it if he does something I don’t agree with.
  8. The ones who do like me don’t last long. Even if I find a man who likes me for who I am, I know it’s only a matter of time before he makes his exit just like the rest of them. Maybe I bore them. Maybe they have short attention spans. I really don’t know, but I’m tired of having my time wasted.
  9. I don’t dish out what I can’t take. I’m going to lose my mind if another guy runs away because I’m busting his balls. He can bust mine back. I can take it. I may be a little rough around the edges, but I like spending time with people who can throw my kind of jokes right back at me. It’s hard to find a guy who’s willing to do that, but I know that when I find him, I’ll do my best to keep him around.
  10. I’m really not that bad. Look, I’m not a nightmare. I’m a considerate, fun, easygoing human. I don’t get pissed over small stuff, and I don’t pick fights. I’m a damn good girlfriend, if I do say so myself. If a guy has a problem with the fact that I speak my mind, he’s going to be giving up someone who would have made him happy.



A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.