33 Sad Signs Your Boyfriend Isn’t Attracted To You (And What To Do About It)

We all want to be wanted. It’s only natural to want to feel attractive and desired, especially by the person you’re in a relationship with. However, sometimes things shift, and you might find yourself questioning if your boyfriend is still as into you as he once was. Noticing these signs isn’t about self-pity, but about self-awareness. It’s sad when you start to notice signs your boyfriend isn’t attracted to you anymore, but you also shouldn’t ignore them if they do crop up.

If any of these signs ring true for your relationship, it might be time to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. While the relationship might be over and things can’t be salvaged, it’s also possible that making a few adjustments could get you back in a good place.

Signs your boyfriend isn’t attracted to you anymore

  1. He never wants to be intimate anymore. Physical intimacy is a critical aspect of many romantic relationships. If you’ve noticed that he’s less inclined to initiate hugs, kisses, or even sex, it could indicate a waning attraction. Remember, attraction isn’t just about sex; it’s about wanting to be close, both physically and emotionally. This is one of the biggest signs he’s not attracted to you (though it could also be a sign that he’s having an affair).
  2. He never compliments you. In the beginning, he might have showered you with compliments, but now, they’ve become rare. Everyone loves to be appreciated, and words of affirmation are one way of showing attraction and love. If these words become few and far between, it might be a sign of decreased attraction.
  3. He avoids making eye contact with you. Eye contact is a powerful form of non-verbal communication. If he’s avoiding your gaze or seems distracted when talking to you, it can imply a disconnect or lack of interest. In deep relationships, eyes often convey emotions that words can’t.
  4. He never wants to talk about the future anymore. Earlier on, you might have dreamt about future vacations or shared goals. If he’s now less keen on discussing or even shying away from future-oriented topics, he might be questioning his long-term attraction or commitment to the relationship.
  5. Your interests don’t interest him anymore. Shared hobbies or interests can keep a couple connected. But if he’s no longer showing an interest in activities or hobbies you love, his level of attraction and connection to you might be dwindling.
  6. He’s more engrossed in his phone than he is in you. Everyone gets distracted now and then. However, if you find that he’s constantly on his phone, especially during times that used to be ‘couple time’, it could signify a loss of interest or attraction towards you.
  7. Date nights are no longer a priority (if they happen at all). Remember the excitement of planning date nights? If these have become infrequent or feel like a chore to him, it’s a red flag. Date nights are essential to keep the flame alive, and indifference towards them might indicate dwindling attraction.
  8. He stops sharing details about his life. Sharing personal stories, emotions, or even day-to-day details is a sign of trust and intimacy. If he’s become more closed off and doesn’t share as much with you, he might not feel as connected or attracted.
  9. He compares you to other women. It’s never a good sign when your partner starts comparing you to others, whether it’s ex-partners, friends, or even celebrities. It could mean he’s noticing what he perceives as ‘lacking’ in your relationship or in his attraction to you.
  10. His friends don’t ever want to hang out with you anymore. In the early stages, he might’ve been excited to introduce you to his circle. If those invitations have reduced or stopped, it could mean he’s distancing you from his personal life, indicating a potential decrease in attraction or commitment.
  11. He’s often irritated or annoyed with you for no reason. While this isn’t necessarily the most obvious of signs he’s not attracted to you, it is one to look out for. Relationships come with their fair share of disagreements. However, if he’s easily irritated or annoyed by small things you do or say, it might indicate deeper issues regarding attraction or compatibility.
  12. He never gives you gifts or surprises you anymore. Remember the days of spontaneous gifts or surprise dates? If these gestures have disappeared, it might be because the urge to impress and surprise you has faded, which can be linked to diminished attraction.
  13. He prefers spending time alone these days rather than your company. Everyone needs personal space, but if he’s consistently choosing solitude over spending time with you, it could be a sign he’s pulling away emotionally and physically.
  14. You never appear on his social media anymore. While it’s not wise to gauge a relationship’s health solely on social media, a sudden drop in photos or mentions of you might indicate he’s less proud or enthusiastic about showcasing the relationship.
  15. His body language is super closed-off. Body language speaks volumes. If he often sits or stands with crossed arms, avoids holding hands, or leans away from you, these could be subconscious signs of reduced attraction.
  16. He avoids having deep conversations. Emotional intimacy is built on deep conversations. If he shies away from discussing feelings, fears, or hopes with you, he might be distancing himself, indicating a potential lack of emotional attraction.
  17. He doesn’t make plans anymore — that’s all left to you. If you’re always the one initiating outings or plans, and he seems indifferent or even reluctant, it might suggest he doesn’t value or look forward to the time spent with you as much.
  18. You feel more like friends than lovers. Friendship is a strong foundation for any romantic relationship, but if the romance fizzles out and you feel like just buddies, there’s a chance the passionate attraction has dwindled.
  19. He rarely asks about your day. Taking an interest in daily activities or feelings shows care and attraction. If he seldom asks or seems indifferent to your answers, he might not be as emotionally invested or attracted as before.
  20. You’ve caught him lying or being evasive. Trust is paramount. If you’ve noticed him lying, even about small things, or being evasive, it could suggest he’s pulling away. This distancing can be a result of diminished emotional or physical attraction.
  21. He takes forever to respond to your texts. While everyone gets busy, consistently taking ages to respond or offering curt replies could indicate decreased interest or a reluctance to engage in conversation.
  22. He’s started introducing you as a “friend.” Being introduced as a ‘friend’ rather than ‘girlfriend’ can sting. It might be accidental, but if it’s a recurring theme, it suggests he might not be as proud or committed to the relationship as before.
  23. His emotional availability is basically nonexistent. If he’s becoming a vault of emotions, unwilling to open up or be vulnerable, it can signal a loss of emotional intimacy and attraction. Since he’s not feeling it anymore, he’s simply not invested.
  24. The spark is well and truly out. That indescribable ‘spark’ or chemistry that once was might seem less intense or entirely gone. This can be a natural progression, but a complete absence may indicate deeper issues.
  25. He avoids going to your favorite places. Dodging places where you’ve shared memories, like your favorite cafe or park, might suggest he’s distancing himself from the emotional ties of the relationship.
  26. You’re no longer his go-to person. In thriving relationships, partners often turn to each other first in times of joy, sadness, or distress. If you’re no longer his primary confidante, it could mean his emotional attraction is shifting.
  27. He makes less of an effort with his appearance when it’s just the two of you. While comfort is a beautiful aspect of a long-term relationship, completely neglecting personal appearance or hygiene when with you might hint at decreased effort or interest.
  28. He doesn’t get jealous. At all. Over-jealousy can be toxic. However, a hint of protective jealousy is natural in most relationships. A complete lack of it, even in situations where it might be expected, can suggest he’s not as invested.
  29. You suddenly feel like he’s taking you for granted. If you often feel unappreciated or as if you’re just part of the background in his life, it’s possible he’s lost sight of your value in the relationship, which relates to diminished attraction.
  30. He’s way more critical of you than he ever used to be. Constructive criticism in a relationship can be healthy. However, if he’s consistently picking on your choices, appearance, or opinions without reason, it might be reflective of deeper issues. Constant criticism can erode self-esteem and also be a sign that he’s no longer viewing you through the lens of attraction and admiration.
  31. He’s gotten secretive AF for some reason. While everyone deserves privacy, a sudden shift to secrecy can be alarming. If he’s hiding things, changing passwords suddenly, or becoming defensive about his activities, it could indicate a shift in his feelings. Attraction isn’t just about the physical; it’s also about emotional transparency.
  32. He never shows affection in public. Every couple has a unique comfort level with public displays of affection. If he was once comfortable holding your hand, hugging, or kissing in public, but now shies away, it might hint at a change in his feelings. It could be related to personal issues or external pressures, but it’s worth noting and discussing.
  33. Your gut is telling you he’s not attracted to you anymore. Often, our instincts pick up on subtle changes in behavior, tone, or vibe. If you constantly feel something is amiss, it might not be mere paranoia. Our subconscious picks up cues that our conscious mind might overlook. Always balance instinct with rational thought, but don’t entirely ignore those inner alarms.

What to do when your boyfriend isn’t attracted to you

We all yearn for that romantic movie moment where two people lock eyes across a room, and the world stops. But life isn’t a string of perfect cinematic moments. What if you sense your boyfriend isn’t attracted to you? Before you jump to conclusions, let’s tackle this sensitive topic with compassion and practicality.

  1. Talk to him about it. First and foremost, talk to him. It sounds simple, but it’s surprising how often people sidestep conversations because they fear confrontation. Here’s the thing: your feelings are valid. Let him know that you’ve been sensing a lack of attraction or distance between you two. It’s essential to discuss this without getting defensive or accusatory. Frame the conversation in terms of your feelings and perceptions.
  2. Engage in some honest self-reflection. Take a moment to reflect on the relationship and on yourself. Sometimes, self-doubt creeps in and we convince ourselves of things that aren’t necessarily true. Have there been any tangible signs that he’s not attracted to you, or is it more about your insecurities? But remember, don’t be overly critical of yourself. It’s about understanding, not blaming.
  3. Get a better understanding of attraction. Attraction is a complex beast. It’s not just about physical appeal. Emotional and intellectual connections can sometimes wane and impact perceived physical attraction. If he’s going through personal struggles, it might not even be about you. Be patient and understanding.
  4. Consider going to couples counseling or therapy. This doesn’t have to be a huge deal — lots of couples do it and it can be really helpful. A professional can provide tools and perspectives that can be beneficial. If he’s reluctant, consider individual therapy for yourself. Sometimes, navigating our feelings with a third party can provide clarity.
  5. Bring back the romance. Sometimes, the humdrum of life causes the spark to fizzle out. Think about how you both can bring back the romance. Maybe it’s revisiting the place of your first date, picking up a shared hobby, or simply spending more quality time together.
  6. Evaluate the relationship as a whole. After you’ve tried several strategies and there’s still no change, it might be time to think about the future of the relationship. It’s essential to be with someone who values and desires you. Your happiness and well-being should always come first.
  7. Remember your worth. You are deserving of love, attraction, and respect. If your boyfriend isn’t attracted to you, it doesn’t decrease your value as a person. Sometimes, people grow apart, and that’s okay. It’s essential to be in a relationship where you feel cherished and wanted.

In the end, relationships are a two-way street. Both parties need to be committed to making it work. If you find that your boyfriend isn’t attracted to you, approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and a good dose of self-love. Whatever the outcome, trust that you will come out stronger and more enlightened.

Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill