If You’re Not Totally Crazy About Him, It’s Time To Let Him Go

If You’re Not Totally Crazy About Him, It’s Time To Let Him Go ©iStock/Bliznetsov

If you have a back up guy — you know, the one you friend-zone on a regular basis but still keep him around in case you get lonely — it’s time to cut him loose and make it clear that he’s never going to be your main man. This situation obviously sucks for him, but it has many negative consequences for you, as well. No one involved is really gaining anything, except the false hope of a future relationship that will never, ever happen. So consider these 11 reasons to cut him off your hook and burn that bridge down permanently, before you do any more harm.

  1. It’s selfish. Keeping someone on the backburner is obviously super selfish. You’re hurting his feelings, wasting his time, and giving him false hope. Have a heart and let him go.
  2. You’re wasting energy. You already know this guy isn’t “The One”. The time and energy you spend keeping him on your hook could have been spent investing in an actual, real relationship.
  3. There’s no reward without risk. Leaning on the security of having a backup guy can make you lazy or complacent towards finding love. You have to ditch the safety net in order to really put yourself out there.
  4. You’ll attract douchebags. Don’t expect the nice guy to want to get involved in this mess. Even if it’s not physical, you’re still technically involved with your guy on the hook. If you want something serious, you can’t have the backup guy as well. Otherwise, you’re just going to attract douchebags and guys who just want to keep it casual.
  5. People think you’re unavailable. Your situation is likely being misinterpreted by other people as something more romantic. Who knows how many dates you’ve missed out on because people think you’re dating (or are in love with) your friendzoned guy. Even if it’s clear that you two aren’t together, you may be giving off the vibe that you aren’t emotionally available.
  6. It makes potential boyfriends uncomfortable. Potential boyfriends can be easily turned off by the friendzoned guy. Why should he be comfortable with the fact that you are using someone, hanging out regularly with a dude that’s in love with you, and fooling around with the idea of a future relationship with someone else?
  7. You don’t want a boyfriend that has a backup girl. Good luck getting rid of the backup girl if you aren’t willing to do the same. Fair is fair.
  8. It’s bad relationship karma. You don’t want relationship karma biting you in the ass. Keeping someone on the hook is the best way to end up on someone else’s.
  9. It’ll make you jaded. You’ll grow accustomed to using people and not considering their feelings. Let him go while you still have empathy for the people you date.
  10. You’re setting yourself up for failure. Keeping your friend zone guy around is like constantly reminding yourself that you may not find the one. Have faith that you will find someone that’s the whole package, someone that you have chemistry with, and you won’t need to keep a plan b around to settle for.
  11. You’re preventing another woman’s happiness. If your back up guy is really as great as you say he is, he would make a great boyfriend to someone who has feelings for him. By dangling the relationship carrot in front of him, you’re preventing him from chasing after someone else he could actually make happy.
Holly Harris is a freelance writer, full time student, and mommy to a toddler sass monster. In her (nearly nonexistent) free time, you can find her lifting something heavy in her home gym or chugging vodka sodas with friends. She contributes to several other sites, including Elite Daily.