4 Amazing Things That Happen When You Stop TRYING to Find Love and Just — Let — Go

4 Amazing Things That Happen When You Stop TRYING to Find Love and Just — Let — Go ©iStock/themacx

Being single can feel like a slog but that’s not how it should be — it should be a blast, especially when you’re in your 20s and 30s. Think about it. This is the youngest you’ll ever be. You should be out there enjoying your life, not preoccupied with what’s missing. If you’re obsessing about your ex, or some guy you’re into, or wishing you’d meet someone already, you’re doing it all wrong. It’s time to try a different way:

Pause, take a step back, and just — let — go.

Decide to love your life the way it is, not the way you wish it were.

Every time you catch yourself thinking that it sucks to be single, or how much you wish you had a guy in your life, stop yourself and say something positive to yourself, like how lucky you are to be healthy, or have a great family, or a great job, or great friends. Be vigilant about silencing negative thoughts and replacing them with positive thoughts.

Try this for a few days, or a week, or a month — as long as you can — and watch what happens. Some of what you’ll experience:

  1. You’ll feel totally liberated. When you’re waiting for something to happen that feels outside your control — like meeting an amazing guy — you can feel like you’re at the whim of the universe. It sucks. But when you stop waiting, and start focusing on the present, your sense of self-sufficiency and control suddenly come back. It’s empowering. And awesome. We dare you to try it.
  2. Going out will actually become fun again. When you’re focused on finding love, going out can feel like such a chore — it becomes all about meeting a guy. And if you don’t meet anyone worthwhile, the evening can feel like a total waste. We get it but seriously, there’s much more to life — and to going out. So quit it. Stop putting pressure on your social life. Get in touch with your independent, I-don’t-need-a-man self and, as we said, just — let — go.
  3. Your friendships will get stronger. There’s nothing like girlfriends — friendships between women are not only sources of endless hilarity but they can be deeply satisfying. And there’s a lot more to those relationships than a shared interest in men/love, right?! When you stop trying so hard not to be single, your relationships with your friends will expand to new areas, new adventures and become even tighter and more fun. You have nothing to lose but so much to gain.
  4. You’ll become exponentially hotter. Trying too hard to fall in love is one of the fastest ways to make sure it doesn’t happen. Why? Because desperate energy is not healthy, and if you’re trying really hard not to be single, chances are you’re giving off some of that ugh-i-hate-my-single-life energy. When you start to focus on yourself instead and just enjoying your life, your energy will become more open and attractive. Give it a shot. Stopping trying might just get you exactly what you want.
Halle Kaye is the author of the insightful, inspirational and hilarious dating guide for women, "Maybe He's Just an Asshole: Ditch Denial, Embrace Your Worth, and Find True Love!"