4 Reasons You Shouldn’t Ask a Guy Where Things Are Going

There’s almost nothing more exciting than starting to date a guy you like… But if you’re not good at dealing with uncertainty, there can be a lot of anxiety too. That’s because most of us women like to know where a relationship is going while guys often like to take things one day at a time, leaving us wondering what’s going on. In these situations, it can feel like the best thing to do is to have a “where are we going” conversation but think again — if you rush it, that conversation could send your potential boyfriend running for the hills.

Here are 4 reasons you shouldn’t push the issue and just let things develop organically:

Guys can move slowly — and that’s okay.

While we often know fairly early whether or not we want a relationship to progress, men often need more time. And that’s fine — we’re built one way, and they’re built another way… While we’re contemplating how to bring up the subject of taking the relationship to the next level, the guy is probably just thinking about where to take you on your next date. That doesn’t mean he’s not into you — you just have to give him room to continue getting to know you and develop a stronger bond with you. In the meantime, just relax and try to be in the moment.

Pressure can come off like desperation.

While society perpetuates the notion that men scare more easily than women, most of us have probably had the experience of a guy trying to pressure us into a relationship before we were ready and that making us want to run. Why? People — both men and women — often associate pressure with desperation, insecurity and a need for control. Who has ever been attracted to those qualities?

Uncertainty is not a problem you have to fix. 

Not knowing the outcome of something can cause stress and anxiety. But it doesn’t have to. At the beginning of a relationship, uncertainty can actually generate romantic tension, chemistry and make things exciting. So nstead of being scared of it and trying to eliminate it, try letting go of your need for control and embracing the uncertainty… Letting things unfold naturally can actually be pretty exciting.

Instead of ‘needing to know,’ work on your F-E-A-R.

Opening up to someone and being completely vulnerable is scary. We get it. In a perfect world, men and women would always be on the same page and no one would ever get hurt. But that’s not realistic. Life is full of risks — a new job, a new baby, a new location. They all require taking a chance; a new relationship isn’t any different. It’s okay to be fearful. It just means you’re pushing yourself and taking yourself out of your comfort zone in the pursuit of something good. Give it a chance to unfold organically before allowing fear to ruin it.

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