Just Because I Want To Take Things Slow Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Really Like You

I definitely want to find love and settle down with an amazing guy for the rest of my life, but I know it’s going to be a journey to get there. Everything has been going really well with us, but I’m pacing myself instead of rushing in headfirst. I really like you, but here’s why I need to take things slow in our relationship.

  1. I’m still reeling from my last heartbreak. My ex really did a number on me. I’m over him and I’ve 100% moved on, but I haven’t forgotten how the pain of losing someone you love feels. I’m not ready to jump back into love when the memory of falling out of it is so fresh in my mind. My heart’s still a bit of an open wound, so I’m taking things slow until it heals.
  2. I’m trying to learn from my past mistakes. I’m not taking all the blame for my last breakup, but I still need to take responsibility for the part I did play. I rushed into love and I thought it would solve all my problems. I promised forever too quickly and I won’t make that mistake again. My heart just can’t take it. If we’re going to do this, I want to do it right.
  3. I like you, but I want to make sure we’re a good fit. I don’t want to jump the gun and fall head over heels for another Mr. Wrong. I like you but I’m also still getting to know you, and I don’t want to rush into a relationship with a guy I barely know. I want to make sure we really have something before we get serious and I’m heartbroken to find out we’re totally incompatible. This is one of the biggest reasons I want to take things slow in my relationship.
  4. The faster you fall, the harder you land. I’m not saying that I don’t believe in us, I’m just saying there’s a chance we won’t work out. The faster we move, the more serious we’ll be — and the more serious a relationship is, the more it hurts if it ends. If taking things slow can help lower the risk of a painful breakup then slow is my new favorite speed.
  5. I’m afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve. I’ve always been the girl who would give it all up for love; the one who thought with her heart first and head second. Feelings have always trumped logic in my life, but that’s how I got hurt. It goes against my nature to not wear my heart on my sleeve but until I know I can trust you, I have to follow my head, not my heart.
  6. I take love seriously. Those three little words mean a lot and I don’t take them lightly. I don’t want to say them before I’m ready and I don’t want to hear them if you don’t mean them. I want to fall in love. I want you to love me but I don’t want us to say we love each other unless we’re serious. Those words mean too much to me to say them casually.
  7. I want to know you’re going to treat me right. Before I agree to an exclusive and serious relationship, I want to know I’m agreeing to be with a guy who’s going to treat me with love and respect. I don’t want to fall for you and then realize that you were only sweet at first and the real you will never appreciate me. I can’t handle another letdown like that.
  8. If you really like me, you’ll be patient. Patience might be a virtue, but when it comes to dating, it’s also a necessity. You can’t make me run before I’m even ready to walk. If you really care, you won’t want to push me into anything, especially a relationship. If you want to be worthy of my time, respecting my wishes is a great way to go about it.
  9. Love shouldn’t be rushed. If falling in love is so wonderful, why would we want to rush it? I want to enjoy every second, not be walking down the aisle in the blink of an eye. I want to take the time to date, to get to know each other, to fall in love and finally, to get serious. If we’re right for each other then our love doesn’t need to be rushed because it’ll last forever.
  10. Taking things slow might be the thing that makes us last. I couldn’t even count how many couples I know that rushed into a relationship or even a marriage and ended up breaking up. Time passes and we’ll both change, but the couples who take things slow are the ones who take the time to figure out whether they’ll be growing apart or together.
  11. I’m playing it safe. You might think that’s a bad thing, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. I’ve been in love before. I’ve rushed into promising things I didn’t know I couldn’t keep. I’ve had a love that I was too quick in thinking would last forever, and you know what? It didn’t work out. I’ve loved dangerously and I’ve fallen fast, but now I want to take it slow because the next time I fall in love, I want it to last.

Why taking things slow in a relationship is actually a good thing

young couple flirting at beach

provided by iStock

While everyone knows that rushing into things head-first is a bad idea, taking things slow in a relationship is also frowned upon. Many people think if you’re moving so slowly, there must be something wrong, but that’s not the case.

  1. I want to be sure. I’m not someone who believes in love at first sight. While I might feel an initial attraction to someone when we meet, I can’t truly say how I feel about them right away because I don’t know them. By pacing ourselves and moving more slowly, it gives me time to really delve deep and make sure they’re someone I want to invest my time and energy in.
  2. I want you to be sure. Not only does slowing things down give me a chance to figure out where my head is, but it also gives the other person the same privilege. I don’t want someone to get with me because I seem good on paper. I want them to truly get the chance to know what I’m like deep down, to get up close and personal with my flaws and insecurities and know for sure that they still want me.
  3. If we’re meant to be together, we have forever. I don’t really understand why people rush into relationships as if there’s some time limit that they need to cash in on. I like you and I like exploring that, but if we’re truly meant to be together, as I pointed out earlier, we’ll have the rest of our lives to celebrate all those milestones. Why not let things progress naturally rather than rushing through them so fast that we don’t even get the chance to enjoy them?
  4. You can’t rush the real thing. By getting serious early on, we’re not fooling anyone, not even ourselves. Jumping into a relationship right away and insisting that we’re head over heels for each other doesn’t make it true. How can we really feel that way when we don’t even know each other yet? Real love takes time to develop and nurture. I’m willing to take that time.
  5. I don’t want us to crash and burn. That’s my biggest fear. I’ve been in relationships before where I’ve gone in too hard too fast and that amazing spark I swore we had from the beginning just fizzled out before it really got a chance to become a fire. I want something better for myself and my partner. Don’t you? This is such a good reason to take things slow in this relationship and every other.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.