The thought of asking out a guy friend might feel like your worst nightmare. You’re worried that you might embarrass yourself, that he might laugh at you or say no and make things awkward. Plus, you don’t want a ruin a good friendship because you went and caught feelings. As terrifying as the prospect might be, there are ways you can go about asking out a friend without ushering in the end of the world.
- Be sure of your feelings for him. It’s normal to notice how attractive your friend is and to fantasize about being with him, but that’s not enough to build a relationship on. You need to assess how you really feel about him. Compare your feelings for him with other romantic relationships you’ve had to see how it measures up. Ask your guy friend out because you’re serious about wanting to be with him not because you’re lonely or looking for a stand-in boyfriend until someone better comes along.
- Gauge his interest in you. Look for signs that he’d like to be more than friends with you. Watch his body language. Does he maintain eye contact for longer than necessary? Does he act more giddy or flustered around you than he used to? Does he find more excuses to touch you? Do you catch him looking at you at odd times? Maybe he even jokes about being your boyfriend regularly. If he appears interested in you, then asking him out wouldn’t be too big a leap.
- Test the waters. Before you ask your guy friend out, try easing him into the idea first so he doesn’t feel ambushed or shocked when you eventually ask him out. Flirt with him and see how he responds. Get a little more physical with him. Touch his arm when talking, make your hugs last longer. Joke about asking him out. Drop hints about how you feel. You can say something like “You’re such a great guy. If some woman doesn’t snatch you up, I will.”
- Spend more time with him. Come up with ways to hang out with him more often, preferably alone. This will give you both a chance to see how comfortable you are with each other. Find activities you both enjoy and do them. Invite him out on casual outings. You can even find something he’s good and ask him to teach you about it. Act like you’re really interested in learning. Spending quality one-on-one time will help build a stronger connection between you and him, and help him see you in a more intimate light.
- Make sure the timing is right. If he just got out of a relationship, it’s probably not a good idea to ask him out. If he has sworn off dating for the moment, that’s not a good time to ask him out. Don’t go ruining your chances because you’re in a hurry to get it over with. The time needs to be right for you to ask him out. It’s best to do it privately when you’re both alone. You can even slip it in in the middle of a regular conversation.
- Plan what you’re going to say. You can chase some of the anxiety and worry away by preparing what you want to say to him ahead of time. This will help the words flow more easily when you’re asking him out. Don’t get carried away and start playing out scenarios in your head of how the conversation would go. You can’t be sure how he’s going to react until you ask him out.
- Be clear about your intentions. When you ask him out, don’t try to be subtle. Just come right out and say how you feel and what you want. You don’t want him to misunderstand what you’re saying or think you’re asking him to hang out as friends. Tell him about your feelings for him. He needs to know that you’re asking him out on a real date.
- Don’t put pressure on him. This guy is your friend. You don’t want to make him feel like he can’t turn you down. You don’t want someone who dating you out of pity, so don’t try to guilt-trip or manipulate him into saying yes. Avoid asking him out in front of your other friends as that would put both of you in a very awkward position. Don’t force him to give you an answer right away if he says he wants to think about it.
- Make sure you’re willing to risk the friendship. Even if you’re willing to remain friends should he turn you down, there’s a chance that things might be weird afterward and your friendship might never recover from it. If he says yes, the relationship might still not work out. You have to decide if the potential pain of things going wrong is worth the potential of things going right. Most importantly, remember to respect his feelings and decisions, good or bad.
