Three years ago, I ended a serious relationship, moved out our place and moved across the country to live with my Mom. I’ve since learned that living with a parent(s) as an adult and dating is… well, interesting. If you’re considering dating someone who lives at home, here’s a few things you should know first.
- We’re probably going to have to hang out at your place. This is especially true if we’re going to get naked together. Although I don’t mind having people over at my place that I share with my mom, there’s just not the same kind of privacy. The last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable in any way. With that said, I’ve definitely had sex under my parents’ roof, but it’s not my #1 favourite location. I can relax and let go way more when I know that there’s zero possibility of a family member making an unexpected appearance.
- I’m not a prude, these walls are just really, really thin. Same goes for phone sex. I dated a guy recently who was really, really into talking dirty on the phone (when I told a friend of mine this, she said, “What is this?! 1996?!”). Although I don’t mind some good dirty talk, I’m not going to do it when other people are home. These walls are very, very, thin and no one aside from you and me needs to hear that stuff. So, I hope your sexting game is on point. After all, it is 2015.
- I’m living at home for a good reason. Otherwise, why would I subject themselves to this kind of insanity as an adult?! I always feel slightly embarrassed and defensive when I have to explain my living situation to people, because I automatically assume they’ll think I’m living at home because I’m lazy or have somehow failed at being an adult. The truth is that I paid my way through school and lived on my own for 16 years. Now I’m living at home so that I can launch a business and pay down some of my student debt. So, don’t jump to conclusions. This isn’t permanent.
- I don’t need you to pester me about when I planning on moving out. Trust me, I already worry about this stuff all the time. A few years ago, I dated a guy who’d constantly ask me when I was planning to get my own place. I learned that this was because he had a couple of kids and didn’t want to have me over on his custody weekends (but still wanted to hook up with me, if he could get a babysitter). The easiest way to earn points with someone who is living at home is to be understanding about their situation.
- The late night booty call probably isn’t going to happen. Although it’s sometimes nice to receive a late night text message like, “I miss you! Wanna come over right now?” I can’t always accept these invitations if it’s past a certain hour and other people are home. My mom worries if she doesn’t know where I am, which is why, out of respect for her, I like to tell her where I am going. Although she understands I’m an adult who has a sex life, leaving the house at midnight incites a lot of unnecessary awkward questions and forces her to picture me doing things she probably wouldn’t. I also refuse to sneak out of the house like a juvenile delinquent. It’s a respect thing. She allows me to live with her, which means I have to respect her personal boundaries. If you want to see me, make plans ahead of time or at the very least, earlier in the day. You should be doing that anyways.
- You’ll probably end up meeting my parents sooner rather than later. Because I live with one of them. My mom isn’t going to hide out every time you come over just to avoid the “meeting the parents” scenario. She’ll probably want to say hello. Don’t worry – this isn’t a big deal and doesn’t mean anything about where we’re at in our relationship. It simply means you’re meeting the person I live with. Besides, my Mom is awesome and everyone loves her. I’m sure you will too.