Regardless of the reason for the breakup, heartbreak is always painful. Even though we seem to rebound and reflect eventually after the end of a once-promising relationship, the beginning stages suck. Being too hard on yourself won’t change anything, nor will it mend your heartbreak. The next time you’re in this situation, here are a few things to remember that’ll make you realize that perhaps this uncoupling was the right step:
- The right guy wouldn’t have let you go that quickly. If he ended things in person like an adult, it must have been tough for him to muster up the courage. And if he had that courage, he knew for sure that the two of you weren’t compatible. No matter what, a responsible breakup is rough for both parties — if this guy had any decency, he wouldn’t enjoy the process. The right guy would realize what he was in danger of losing, and he’d bend over backward to make the relationship a high priority in his life. The right guy fears seeing you in a situation where you’re hurt, and can’t imagine the future without you by his side.
- This doesn’t mean you’re unlovable or a terrible person. It just means that you’re not a great match with your ex. Sometimes when people end a relationship, hurtful words are exchanged — and usually, they’re thrown out there based on a defense mechanism. If your guy tries to shoot you down and make you feel bad, he’s either being defensive or he’s truly a massive jerk — and if it’s the latter, good riddance.
- Each failed relationship is one step closer to Mr. Right. If you ended a relationship with a guy who always had to have the last word during an argument, you now know that this quality is a major turnoff for you. It’ll suddenly be a red flag if you see your next boyfriend pulling the same maneuver. With each relationship, we learn a little more about ourselves — what do we want in a guy? What do we need? It’s a way to pretty much retool our vision of what a perfect match truly looks like.
- Keep the drama off of social media. Seriously. No matter how much your heart hurts, be the adult and keep this to yourself and your close girlfriends. Don’t try to get revenge, or post sappy song lyrics to try and get his attention. The less opportunity that you give people to weigh in on your private matters, the more quickly you’ll get over the whole thing. It’s completely healthy to temporarily hide your ex-guy from your feed for a while. Otherwise, you’ll drive yourself nuts. Delete him if you think there’s no chance you’ll form a friendship or acquaintanceship in the future.
- Let go. It’s easy to analyze every part of a relationship when a guy breaks your heart and it’s all over. Wrap all of these memories in a mental box and set it off to sea. Things didn’t end because you yelled at him once about wearing a seat belt, nor did they end because he didn’t love the place you chose for dinner the other night — it ended because you just weren’t right for each other. Stop micromanaging and just let the entire thing go. It’s over. Be done with it.
- Remember the “rose-colored glasses” theory. This is especially true if you’ve been heartbroken by a crush, or if the relationship didn’t last too long. When you met him, you envisioned him in his best form. I mean, he was smart, hot, and funny, right? Surely there were some major personality clashes that you either didn’t see or simply didn’t want to see. These are the points that you’ll want to focus on as you’re trying to recover. Nobody is perfect, and you very well could have missed seeing his true self during your brief rendezvous.
- You are more than this relationship. You’re an individual. If you tucked back a lot of the things that made you happy in favor of making him happy, now is the time to rediscover your true self. Maybe you secretly loved violet-hue hair but knew your guy would freak out. Or, maybe you’ve been avoiding your weekly karaoke nights since you knew that your now-ex cringed over strangers trying to belt out “Blank Space” — well, guess what? You now have permission to do what makes you happy.
All relationships require compromise, but you should never forget all of the amazing things that make you happy. Be yourself, and remember that the right guy will think your radical hair changes are truly bold and quirky.
