We’ve all been there. You’re vibing with a guy, He’s cool, and you think that you could be great friends. Then he hits you with the “What are we?” All this time, you thought you were just friends, but now he’s acting as though you’ve been giving him mixed signals. He might even go as far as to tell you that you’re mysterious or hard to read. One time, a guy said that I’m harder to read than a Japanese book backward… whatever that means. But I’m not hard to read. If I liked a guy, he’d know. Unfortunately, men take a lot of normal day-to-day actions as flirtatious. To figure out where the communication is getting mixed up, I asked some of my guy friends to share actions that they consider flirting. Here’s what they told me.
- Giving him “the eyes” I’ve heard them called a few things: bedroom eyes, F-me eyes, the look. It all boils down to one thing: you’re apparently looking at him like you’re in love with him. Some girls can’t help it; it’s just the way they look at people. However, take it from me: give a guy this look and he’s sure to think you’re interested. Yes, you even have to police your own eyes now.
- Actively listening to him It’s sad, but few people actively listen. Many just wait for their chance to speak. If you’re actively listening to a guy you’re talking to, he might think you’re into him. This is true especially when you’re listening to him talk about something most people don’t find interesting. If you show interest in what a guy is talking about, he may interpret it as interest in him, whether you want him to or not.
- Texting him first The psychology between male and female friendships is different. Unlike women, men can go extended periods of time – months or even years – without having contact with someone yet still consider that person a close friend. Because of this, they sometimes view constant communication as more flirty than friendly, whereas women may see it as just another way they keep in touch. This doesn’t mean that you should change your communication styles to reflect this fact, it just means that men and women communicate differently. That’s okay, but it’s something to consider.
- Sharing your feelings Research says male friendships are inherently less emotional. If you tend to share your feelings with your guy friends, they could take this as meaning more than you mean it to. Women are typically used to sharing on a deeper level with their friends, but for guys, this may be a sign of something more serious. I love the meaningful, emotional relationships I have with my girlfriends, and I love when I get to have it with a guy friend too. Keep sharing your feelings; it’s time that men become more comfortable with this as just a part of friendships.
- Giving a compliment You may give a compliment without expecting anything in return, but it isn’t always taken that way. Flattery can be a good way to flirt, but it’s also a way to interact with people and make friends. Watch out. Some guys may take your complimentary nature as something more…
- Prolonged eye contact Eye contact is a key pillar of communication; it shows attentiveness and interest in what someone is saying. But according to Science of People, if you maintain strong eye contact with someone, your feelings intensify. Now, you might just be polite, but sometimes people don’t see it that way. If you make eye contact for a long period of time, a guy may take that as flirting, and scientifically, he’s more likely to fall for you.
- Being “Cutesy” Puppy dog eyes, a pouty lip… being ‘cute’ is can be considered as flirting. Just as dogs use those gorgeous big eyes to manipulate you into doing something, humans do the same. Your actions are likely harmless, but men could take your cute expressions as a sign of fondness.
- Physical touch Physical touch means different things to different people. For you, it may be a way to connect with a friend, but for someone who’s not as used to it, it could be taken as a sign of interest. It’s ridiculous that you can’t show a friend affection without it being taken as something more serious, but that’s often the reality.
We’ve all been there. A guy reads into our every move, thinks we want something more than we do, and dubs us “difficult to read” when we reject him. It isn’t your fault and it sucks to lose a good friend due to a hurt ego. But remember, you don’t owe him anything, no matter how “flirty” you’re being. If he doesn’t want to be your friend after you reject him, he wasn’t a good friend in the first place.
