Are you a human doormat? Does it sometimes feel like people treat you like you don’t matter? Although you have good intentions when helping and supporting others, giving too much of yourself can cause people to take advantage of your kindness. It’s not right, and you might shake your head and wonder if you have a message painted on your forehead telling the world that you’re a pushover. Listen up: here are eight reasons why you let people walk all over you and how to stop once and for all.
1. You Don’t Have Boundaries.
We all need boundaries, those invisible lines protecting us from things that bring us down or make us burn out from giving others too much of our resources. For example, a boundary could be having alone time when required, which is one of the self-care commandments to keep you feeling good. Without boundaries in place, you’ll exhaust your energy reserves and let people walk all over you.
2. You Struggle With Confrontation.
A fear of confrontation prevents you from speaking up about how you feel. You might fear that if you tell people that you don’t agree with them or you don’t want to do activities they love, they won’t love you. But the truth is they’ll respect you more if you’re authentically you. It’s good to be different and confrontation doesn’t always have to arise from expressing a different opinion. If people take it badly, that says more about them than you.
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4. You’re Focused On Pleasing Others.
Do you prioritize other people’s feelings and needs more than your own? If you’ve noticed you do this, you should think about why. Maybe you’re afraid of being rejected so you go the extra mile to make others happy. This might make you assume they’ll accept you more, but the truth is it’s not a guarantee. Remember, you can give everything of yourself and still be rejected, so it’s actually healthier to focus on pleasing yourself. And, even if others accept you because you’re so kind/nice/generous, if you’re not pleasing yourself you’ll never be happy, so what’s the freaking point?
5. You Don’t Feel Worthy.
If you struggle with low self-esteem, you might feel that everyone else is worthier than you are. Maybe you compare yourself to others a lot and always feel like you don’t make the cut. Always putting others on a pedestal and yourself in a gutter means that you’re setting yourself up for being treated like dirt. Hey, you can’t expect others to treat you like gold if you’re not treating yourself that way! It’s time to start speaking to yourself like your BFF, focusing on your positive traits and all the amazing things you have to offer.
6. You Feel Guilty When Saying No.
Your friend asks you for a drive across town but you’re busy with work, so you have to say no. But do you feel guilty? Although it’s normal not to want to disappoint loved ones, you can’t say yes all the time. If you do, you’re at everyone’s disposal. You don’t have anything else to do and you’re just waiting to make others happy. What gives? When you feel guilty about saying no, analyze what you’re afraid of – do you fear confrontation or that the other person won’t like you anymore, for instance? Then, think about what you have to sacrifice to say yes and if it’s worth it. If it harms you, it’s not.
7. You Want Everyone To Like You.
Do you want everyone to love you? Do you have fantasies of everyone singing your praises and wanting to speak to you when you enter a room? Here’s a brutal truth: being a human doormat isn’t going to make anyone like you. They’ll either pity you for being such a sweet martyr or they won’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself. When you stand up for yourself and have the confidence to back yourself, you exude a magnetic aura of dignity and self-love.
8. You Struggle To Be Yourself.
Being comfortable in your skin enables you to express yourself with confidence. When you feel like you don’t want to take up space in the world, the opposite happens: you can’t say what’s on your mind and you become a wallflower or pushover. It’s time to explore your authentic self and all your traits. Accept what you consider to be your weaknesses or flaws, and think about what you want to change about yourself so you can grow and gain confidence.
9. You’ve Ignored The Red Flags.
If you’ve let certain people in your life get away with treating you badly, it’s harder to suddenly set boundaries and enforce your rules. This can cause you to become a pushover, especially if you’re afraid to say what you really feel out of a fear of rejection or confrontation. But start small. Practice saying no and start building those protective boundaries. You can still be nice without being a pushover – and people will respect you more when you pull those red flags out of the ground and decide that you deserve better.