Just Because I’m Nice Doesn’t Mean I’m A Pushover

There’s such a thing as being TOO nice, especially if it means you bend over backwards to accommodate other people and let them take advantage of you. But there’s no reason why you can’t be nice and also smart about it. I consider myself a nice person, but there’s no way I’d ever put myself in a bad position just to keep up appearances. There’s nothing wrong with standing up for yourself, and I’ve figured out how to be nice and protect myself at the same time.

  1. I’ve learned from past mistakes. There was definitely a time when I thought it was more important to be polite and nice than to be willing to stand up for myself. I’ve been in situations where people took advantage of me, and I probably let them. But I learned my lesson and realized that doing things I know are stupid just to avoid conflict isn’t helping anyone.
  2. I care about my own well-being first. Constantly putting other people’s needs before my own is no way to live. Eventually, I’ll get burnt out and I won’t be any use to anyone. I don’t think being a little selfish and putting myself first doesn’t mean I’m not nice. It just means I have my priorities straight.
  3. I won’t do things I don’t want to do.  It could be considered ‘nice’ to always defer to what other people want to do, and to be honest, I’m pretty flexible most of the time so that’s never really a big problem. But if I genuinely don’t want to do something, I won’t. I’m not just trying to be nice when I say I’m cool with whatever restaurant the group wants to go to — I actually am cool with whatever restaurant the group wants to go to. If I wasn’t, I’d have no problem saying so.
  4. I’m not afraid to be a bitch if the situation calls for it. My default setting is probably considered stereotypically ‘nice.’ I rarely get into arguments with anyone and I care about other people’s feelings. But with that being said, if someone is being horrible, I’m not adverse to calling them out on it — and people always know if I’m pissed, there’s a good reason.
  5. Why should I be nice to people who don’t deserve it anyway? I’m not obligated to be nice to people who aren’t nice to me. It’s not that I often feel the need to be rude to someone even if they’re rude to me first, but there’s still a limit to my patience and if someone reaches the end of my rope, they’re going to hear about it.
  6. There are more important things than being nice. My safety, for example. Being too nice has the potential to put me in seriously dangerous situations that could otherwise be avoided if I was just willing to trust my instincts and do or say something that could be considered ‘rude.’ I’m smart enough to realize when being nice is a bad idea.
  7. Avoiding confrontation won’t work forever. Ever heard the saying ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, then it’s better to say nothing at all’? That might be true in some situations, but I personally can’t go through life never saying what I really think. The things that come out of my mouth might not always be nice, but they’re the truth, and they probably needed to be said.
  8. I won’t let people walk all over me. I’m more than willing to go out of my way for people I care about, but that doesn’t mean I’ll let them walk all over me. Basically, what it means is I’m the nicest person in the world if you ask the people I’m closest to, but if I don’t trust someone, it’s a totally different story.
  9. Nice isn’t a personality trait. It’s not as if you can either be a nice person or a mean person and there’s no in between. It all depends on context, and anyone can choose to be nice or not be nice based on a variety of factors. I could be nice one day and not nice the next. I could be nice to one person and not nice to another one. So, depending on who you ask and when, I may or may not be described as ‘nice.’
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.