8 Reasons Your Current Boyfriend Is So Jealous Of Your Ex

Sometimes, in a relationship, a little bit of jealousy is nice. However, it’s important to make sure it stays within bounds. If you were with someone for a few years but it didn’t work out, it’s pretty obvious that your new partner may want to know more about them. After all, if they made you happy for years, what’s stopping them from making a comeback once they’ve matured a bit? If your current boyfriend seems a little obsessed with knowing more about your ex, here’s what that means.

  1. He’s not very self-confident, and that’s okay. Depending on age, sometimes your self-confidence just needs to grow a bit. Still, talking about exes shouldn’t threaten a whole relationship. If your partner won’t stop mentioning your ex, there’s a good possibility that he doesn’t think he’ll be able to live up to them. If you were dating someone who was very attractive, that might also throw your current guy off guard. Not everyone knows that oftentimes, emotional attraction helps build physical attraction, and physical attraction only goes so far. Sure, your ex may have been pretty buff, but if he had no actual personality, then there should be no question as to why he’s an ex.
  2. Your ex may have seemed more put-together. Maybe they had a corporate job, while your new partner is currently between gigs. Or, maybe he’s living paycheck-to-paycheck while your ex was actually able to save money for the future. While money is important, it’s not everything, and  it may be a sore subject for your partner if he’s currently looking for a new job or unemployed due to the pandemic. If that’s the case, remind your partner that hard work and dedication are what matters, and not necessarily the size of the paycheck. Know what’s sexier than having a lot of money? Being with someone who knows how to budget what they have.
  3. He doesn’t know if he can compare… down there. If you’re into guys, it makes sense that he might not think he’ll perform as well in bed as your ex. By now, guys should know that size doesn’t always matter, but they’ll still wonder whether or not they’re inadequate. Not too many couples talk about their past sex lives, but if the topic ever comes up, his insecurity might get the best of him. Women may also have similar issues. If they know that a past ex had a large chest, they may feel like their A-cups aren’t enough.
  4. He might see old pictures on Instagram. A lot of people choose to delete photos of their ex after a breakup but some people don’t. Even if things ended poorly with your ex, it was still a stage in life that deserves to be recognized. Think of Instagram accounts as being like a scrapbook of life moments altogether. So, what’s the problem? If your current partner sees these pictures of you once happy with an ex, he might be under the impression that you’re still into them. Even if you have no contact with them anymore, it still might make your boyfriend a little jealous.
  5. If the relationship was serious, there’s a lot to compare. Hookups are fun in their own way, but serious relationships require a lot more time, dedication, and emotion. If you almost married an ex, that’s something a current partner may have a tough time comprehending. Even if it didn’t work out, he may wonder if your ex is “the one that got away.” This is why it’s important not to jump from relationship to relationship, since if true feelings of love were there, your next partner may feel like he’s just filling time until you make amends with your ex. They also might feel like they’re nothing but a rebound.
  6. It’s possible you dated someone your boyfriend really admires. Maybe you once dated an up-and-coming singer that your partner seems to love, or you managed to date the person everyone wanted to date back in high school. If your partner knew of and liked someone you dated, that’s a hard situation to navigate. He may also want to hear stories of when you dated, which could end up being disastrous for your current relationship.
  7. He liked you for a really long time. Sometimes it takes a long time for connections to be made. If your partner was pining for you for years, then they may have a good idea of who you dated before. That can be detrimental for a few reasons. If he knows your ex and happens to be in the same friend group, he may know too much about your past.  That can be tricky. If he fails to like your exes solely because they dated you first, this person may end up getting possessive.
  8. It’s a way to gain emotional control. This one’s a worst-case scenario. Sometimes people enter our lives and try to control them. By being obsessed with your ex, your current partner may try to rewrite history. It’s possible he might constantly talk your ex down and lead conversations about how the ex is no good. In doing this, he’s trying to make sure you no longer contact them. That, or he wants you to completely erase any good memories from a past relationship and replace them with negative feelings. This person isn’t demonstrating healthy boundaries, and it may be time to cut things off.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.