You learn a lot in life by making your own mistakes. When it comes to my sex life, however, I wish I hadn’t made a few of those mistakes personally. I wish I’d known a little more. If I could go back in time and give younger me advice about hooking up, I would tell her these 8 things:
Always, always have a plan on how to get home.
Never depend on the guy for transportation home. He could get too drunk, fall asleep, or decide he’s really just not in the mood and he’d rather bring you home in the morning. Avoid getting trapped somewhere you’d rather not be by always having a car, friend, or cab/Uber money handy.
Condoms come in different sizes for a reason.
You won’t protect yourself from anything if the condom is too big. One of the most horrifying experiences I had involved a condom falling off inside me because my partner wasn’t actually Magnum sized. If it looks like it’s the wrong size, could be expired, or looks unreliable because he got it off a sidewalk after it was tossed from a float during a parade, just demand you find something you’re comfortable with instead.
Just because you can control your feelings, doesn’t mean the person you’re hooking up with can.
Dudes catch feelings just as easily as women do! Being relentlessly pursued by someone you’re not interested in is super stressful and makes the hook up totally not worth it. You have to be careful that you aren’t hooking up with a stage 5 clinger or a mild psychopath, because they will track down every one of your social media accounts and harass you- even if you give them a fake name.
It’s always easier to be honest about what you’re looking for.
Not being honest always leads to complications down the road. Want to be bang buddies? Just say so. Looking for more? Don’t lie and expect it to turn into anything significant.
It’s OK to change your mind
. If you’re just not enjoying yourself, there’s really no reason to stay until he finishes. Consent is something you can rescind at any time, so feel free to put your pants on and leave if you’ve changed your mind about doing the deed.
Some men need instructions, so just give them to him.
Some men have literally no idea what they are doing in bed. It could be from lack of experience or just no one in his past giving him a clue, so tell him what to do! There’s no point in having bad sex and sending him back out in the world as an unsatisfactory lover when this can be remedied with a little direction and communication. He’ll be happy for the tips when his skill level goes up.
Skip getting breakfast together.
Younger me thought that eating together was completely innocent and there would be no harm in grabbing a bite the morning after. Apparently, in guy land, going to breakfast is some kind of code for the possibility of a relationship which trumps any and all statements that specified not being interested in that. If I’d known that going to breakfast was that misleading, I would have skipped it and avoided the headache of the aftermath.
Don’t be afraid to hurt his feelings.
Women can be afraid of being rude or feel like they have an obligation to reject a guy gently. This is BS, especially if you were upfront about what you wanted and what your boundaries are. For example, if he’s bugging you for another hook up, or making you feel guilty because he caught feelings after you said it was a one night stand, there’s no need to let him down easy. You’re not being mean by telling him to GTFO, he’s being the mean one by ignoring your wishes.
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