Whether it’s your lover, mother, or best friend, arguments just happen. Anyone that you spend a ton of time with will get on your nerves every once in a while. No matter who the relationship is with, the honeymoon stage will end and things will get real. Arguing (to an extent) is not a bad thing, it just means that you truly care about the person and are invested in their life.
Okay, so arguments are a part of life, but there are plenty of ways that you may be approaching arguments that will ensure you lose every time. To avoid getting hurt and resenting the person you love, it is important to go about an argument in a calm, mature manner. Find out if you’re guilty of approaching arguments all wrong (and if you’re doing any of these things, you probably are):
Saying “everything is fine” when it’s definitely not. If someone knows you, they know if something is wrong. Moping around and avoiding them isn’t going to help you, it’s just going to slowly push them away. If something is bothering you, say it! They may know everything about you, but they don’t know how to read your mind. There’s no solution without a clearly defined problem.
You post passive-aggressive things on social media. So you’re upset with your man because he is having a boy’s night on your typical date night. The absolute worst way to face the issue is by posting a passive-aggressive quote or picture on social media in hopes that he will see it. Just a general rule of thumb – don’t post anything when you’re angry. You will likely regret it later.
You bring up old dirt. You shouldn’t ‘keep score’ of your arguments with your loved ones. Just because you’re losing the argument at hand doesn’t give you free reign to bring up old problems that you have already moved on from. If you do, you will both end up losing.
You vent to everyone else about it. There are few things more toxic to a relationship than talking smack behind the other’s back. Sure, there are things you want to bring up to your friends so that they can help you out, but it always creates a mess after the fact. Trust is crucial to any relationship and hearing things that your loved one spilled behind your back is a sure way to lose it. Venting does nothing to resolve your issues.
You come in hot. You’re angry and you may have every right to be, but it’s hard to solve anything when you’re seeing red. Take a while to reflect and think about the issue at hand before you confront them about it.
You avoid the real problem. Say you don’t know where you stand with the guy you like. You see him all the time, but you haven’t established boundaries. You may argue with him about him talking to his ex or liking hot girl’s posts on Instagram instead of facing the fact that you’re really just insecure about the relationship.
You’re never at fault. Never underestimate the power of, “I’m sorry”. Relationships are about compromise and if you aren’t willing to bend, the relationship will likely break. Sometimes winning the argument means you still lose. Try and move past your ego. Being correct isn’t worth others tears, resentment, or hurt.
You give up on them. The ultimate loss is losing the one you love. Even if your relationship is dysfunctional at best, it is sometimes worth saving. Don’t burn down the bridges that you rely on.
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