Let’s be painfully honest here — when someone breaks up with you, you kinda-sorta wish they’ll have major regrets about it. It doesn’t matter how old you are. After facing rejection, it’s the ultimate dream to have someone realize they’ve made a terrible mistake. Chances are, your ex-boyfriend is still thinking about you in some regard. But, here’s what’s really on his mind.
- He wants to check out your new relationship status to see how he compares. If your next boyfriend isn’t as tall as him, or doesn’t have as good of a job, he’ll take note and feel really good about himself. Based on his ego, he’s quietly hoping that you downgrade instead of upgrade. Even without knowing who your new partner is, he’ll probably make some judgments based on pictures, especially if the breakup happened within the year.
- He’s worried you might leak some of his private stories to your girlfriends. And you likely already did — especially if the breakup was especially messy. Gossip isn’t the best thing in the world, but it’s natural and often helps us cope. After a bad breakup, there’s a good chance you vented about it to your best girlfriends over some wine. He’s quietly worried they may know too much.
- There’s a chance he might be wondering if he’s getting his stuff back. The hoodie, the video games, the pants he slept in when he stayed overnight, and his toothbrush aren’t huge losses for him. But technically, they’re his. If he was abusive to you in any way, you don’t necessarily need to give them back. But if he does ask? You can always ask a mutual to drop them off at his house. Make sure he doesn’t use this as an excuse to see you again.
- He still has your stuff. There’s a good chance he doesn’t know what to do with it. If the breakup was sudden, you likely didn’t have time to prepare. Just like with the above, a mutual acquaintance may be a good idea. You can also ask him to drop it off on your porch at a time when you won’t be home if the two of you are still on speaking terms.
- He wants to know if you’re thinking of him. Hopefully, you aren’t. But, maybe you are — especially if the breakup is still fairly new. Guys like to know when they’re on a girl’s mind, even if it’s after a breakup. Guys don’t often rethink too hard about the breakup scenario, but it’s possible he’s wondering if he was too harsh, or made a mistake. Your job in this is to try and keep your social media on lockdown. Don’t bait him with posts. Be the adult and leave him wondering about what your life is like after the breakup.
- Something funny you once told him has recirculated in his mind. Even after messy breakups, sometimes emotion (or even a beer too many) might make him remember something funny or humorous from the past. That, in itself, might spiral into him missing you or wondering if he made the right choice. Your brain can play some strange and nostalgic games after a breakup.
- He might be worried that he’ll run into you. One thing about couples is that they often have “spots” and stores they go to together. It’s impossible to keep track of where an ex might be, but there’s a chance he’s worried about running into you if he takes a date to a restaurant he happens to know you’re particularly fond of.
- A bunch of your relatives are still connected to him on social media. This is an especially hard call to make. If he deletes them all, he’s admitting that there’s no chance for a reconciliation. But if he leaves them there, he might be reminded of you every time they post. If he got along well with your parents, it can be even harder. If you feel uncomfortable with your immediate family still being connected to him on Facebook, you should let them know. He might feel sad when he realizes he’s been unfriended, but it’ll be easier to cope in the long run. It’ll also remind him that sometimes, breakups mean cutting off more than one person.
- A television show the two of you watched together starts up again. Television bonds us in so many ways. If the two of you always watched a series together, it can feel very lonely when new episodes come out after a breakup. For some people, the entire series may be tarnished. While it’s great to share interests with a significant other when you’re together, things can get tricky after a breakup.
