We wish we could be as dispassionate and removed as dudes when it comes to sex, but it’s nearly impossible. We want to be the “cool girl” and just have sex with no strings attached. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work out so well. Here are just a few reasons why:
We’re not robots. Look, we’re women. We have feelings and emotions and hormones. Not to say that dudes don’t, but they sure seem to have sex and run, no problem. It’s not as easy for girls. We’re wired differently and that means that we tend to attach meaning to sex that a guy might not. This makes the actual act of hooking up no strings attached a little problematic.
It’s confusing as hell. What are the parameters? Is it a one-time thing, or something we can do once in a while with the same guy? Will it get weird? Are we on the same page? All valid questions, and they all need to be answered.
It can get complicated. Yes, guys are better at this, but there’s also the danger of him getting attached. We need to have a conversation about what this whole thing is before we keep it going too long. We don’t want to let it get awkward later when one of us feels something the other doesn’t. If that happens, it needs to be addressed right away. If the other person just wants to remain hookup buddies, we have to cut and run.
We worry a lot. As women, we overthink things sometimes. Instead of enjoying ourselves and letting a casual sexual relationship be just that, we make it complicated. We wish we could stop it, but it’s just who we are. We want to get out of our heads and jump into bed, but it’s just not that simple.
We don’t want to have sex with just anyone. Yeah, we’re trying to get some ass, but we still have standards. We’re not going to pick up the first guy we see at the end of the bar and take him home. After all, he could be a serial killer. We’re smart enough to do some vetting first, which makes getting a quick hookup way more complicated.
We’re afraid of getting STDs. As we should be. They are a reality not to be ignored. When we’re getting some from a stranger, we don’t know how many other girls he does this with and can’t believe anything he says. Even if we use protection, we can’t be 100% safe. This is scary, and something women seem to think about way more than guys.
We don’t know where his penis has been — or is going to be tomorrow. Aside from the STDs, he could just be having sex with everyone. That’s not so pleasing to the ear of any woman with any amount of self-respect. Yeah, this isn’t about monogamy, but we have no idea what he’s doing with other people. Sex stuff gets weird, and anyone who’s down to just hook up with us is most likely doing it with a lot of other girls.
We catch feelings unintentionally. Sex is very easily equated with security, affection and bonding for most women. Like it or not, it usually ends up meaning more than it was meant to — and that spells trouble for hookups. We start liking him, especially if he’s the only guy we sleep with, and then it all becomes a disaster. It begins easily enough, but the longer we try to sleep around with the same person, the more likely it is that we’ll end up caring about him.
It’s hard to meet guys, period. The best way to troll for a hookup is a dating app like Tinder. Going out in the real world and meeting people is hard enough these days. How are we supposed to walk up to a guy and make it known in a short period of time that we want sex? Well, we could just say it… or get really drunk and then say it. Shy girls want sex too, though, and it’s not so easy for those of us among the bunch. Make an online profile, set some parameters and click away. If we can handle everything after that like a pro, we’ll be a hookup queen!
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