9 Signs You’re The Backburner Girl

9 Signs You’re The Backburner Girl ©iStock/lechatnoir

If you’ve ever dated a guy with commitment issues, you’re probably familiar with the BS excuses they toss out for why they can’t just act like normal human beings. They claim they’re not ready for a real relationship, but is it really just because they don’t want one with you? Here are 10 signs he’s keeping you on the back burner:

  1. He constantly cancels or reschedules your plans. He clearly doesn’t respect you or your time. Even if he tries to pass it off as a “friend with benefits” situation, a true friend would give you notice and not drop you every time something “better” comes along. If you find yourself being hung to dry alone without good reasons, then it’s time to end things.
  2. He doesn’t seem to care when you don’t see each other for a while. This obviously depends on the guy, but if you’re seeing each other, he should actually want to see you. Some guys might actually be really upset when you’re super busy because they you to be there for them all the time, but if your guy is indifferent, then it means he probably thinks you know what the deal is. Both of you are just using each other, so why get angry?
  3. He never makes plans with you ahead of time and always plays it by ear. Instead of being considerate by making plans ahead of time, he makes you wait by the phone. He’ll say that he “might” be able to come by later, but this is all about using you as back up in case his real plans fall through.
  4. Whenever you see him, he seems to be bummed out. A lot of times the backup girl is used for comfort. When he’s down and doesn’t want to be vulnerable or seem like a bother to people he knows, he’ll use you for an ego boost. When he has good news, he basically never tells you because he wants to celebrate with someone else.
  5. He flirts with other girls right in front of you. He’s not afraid of trying to get lucky in front of you because he’s not afraid of losing you. Also, if things don’t work out, he’ll just try to crawl back to soothe his ego and still have sex. Casual sex like this can be fine as long as both parties know what’s going on, but often the backup girl is kept in the dark. You deserve to be someone’s number one, so screw that.
  6. He openly dates other girls and doesn’t care what you think. He might tell you that he isn’t ready for a relationship, but that isn’t the case with others. He dates around and might even jump into relationships easily. However, he’ll always say that you’re “different” or “special” and try to say you can’t date because of it.
  7. He refuses to introduce you to people in his life. The back burner girl has a certain lane, and sometimes that doesn’t include his real life. If you feel like you’re being kept a secret, then that could be a huge red flag. Sometimes the back burner girl is only seen at night and in private. If he’s pursuing someone else, then he wants to give the appearance that he’s 100% single.
  8. Or he’s “on a break” with someone else. The back burner girl often is used during emotional or complicated times. If he’s “on a break” from a relationship, then he might be using you to make the other person jealous or to make him feel wanted. He doesn’t necessarily want a real relationship with you because he’s not over his complicated, sorta kinda ex.
  9. Commitment just isn’t what he wants. The back burner girl might actually become the girlfriend if he truly feels like he doesn’t have any other options, but in most cases, that is a last resort. He’ll tell you that he’s not ready for a relationship whether that’s actually true or not. Either way, you might as well listen to him and move on.
Nicole Weaver is a staff writer for YourTango and regularly contributes to Hollywood, The Bolde, and Proud2BMe. She is a lover of all things entertainment meaning she spends most of her nights in New York binge watching television shows. Follow her on Twitter at @nikkibernice.