One moment you think your relationship is doing great and you can’t remember the last time you were this happy or content; the next it feels like your guy is looking for the closest exit and talking about needing space. Even though what you really want is for things to work out, you’re unconsciously doing things that are making him drift further away from you. Here are a few behaviors you might want to curb before he gets too far away.
You’re too available.
It’s sweet that you want to spend time with him and get to know him and his quirks better, but there’s no need for things to get too intense. Calling and texting him every minute of the day is too much overload. Let’s face it, no one requires that much checking up on. You need to create room for him to miss you and value the moments he gets to spend with you. Love is not a marathon. It’s OK to take things slow and let him come to you sometimes.
You assume he has the magical ability to read minds.
You know how annoying it is when babies keep crying and are unable to tell you what’s irritating them so you can fix it easily? That’s the same way it feels when you bottle up your desires and emotions instead of sharing them with your partner. He might find it cute and try to guess his way into figuring out what you want, but that script is going to get boring pretty quickly because he asked for a girlfriend, not a Rubik’s cube.
You’re the queen of guilt-tripping.
People mess up all the time and it sucks, but what sucks even more is having your mistakes thrown into your face wherever you turn. He hasn’t forgotten what he did wrong. In fact, he’s probably sorry and has apologized for it, so using every fight as an opportunity to rub his face in it isn’t going to achieve what you’re hoping for. It’s going to drive a wedge between the two of you that he’ll eventually want a break from.
Oversharing is your favorite type of sharing.
I know how liberating it feels when you find someone you really like and feel you can trust. Sure, you want to open up yourself completely and tell him everything that has ever happened to you. While that’s a good thing, it’s not always the best move for you to flood him with information especially when the relationship is still new. If he’s not ready to share your drama, he’s going to run and hide because he feels overwhelmed by all of you.
Your intimacy level is not where it should be.
Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it is important. You should want to please and be pleased by your partner physically. If you neglect that too much, he’s bound to have a problem sooner or later. Even beyond sex, there are little physical and emotional acts like caring about his work or day, listening when he talks about things that bother him, and touching or kissing him when you walk by. It might not look like a big deal, but neglecting these gestures could push him away.
You stopped being your own person.
One of the negative side effects of being in a relationship is focusing on your partner’s needs and feelings to the detriment of your own. But you can’t give up on yourself because of him. If you’re not trying to maintain or improve your physical, emotional, and professional well-being, he’s going to notice and his attraction might start to wane.
You’re constantly judging or trying to change him.
You have to actually like a guy for who he is if you want things to work out. Pretending isn’t going to cut it because your true feelings will keep showing up unexpectedly in the ways you keep judging everything he does. I’m not saying let him get away with his bad behavior, but when he’s done nothing wrong and you’re still ready to criticize, he’s going to interpret that as you not wanting him around.
Everything thing is a test with you.
If you’re with a guy, you’re probably expecting the relationship to go somewhere, but trying to rush him towards that goal by making him do things or answer tricky questions right away so you can measure his affection is not going to get you there sooner. Of course, relationships take work and effort, but no one wants to feel like that’s all it is. If you expect him to do or say all kinds of crazy things to prove he’s serious, don’t be surprised when he chooses to take a step back.
You keep doing the most in the relationship.
I know it’s fun to say “I love him enough for the both of us,” but you can’t really do that. You can’t always be the one putting in the work, taking care of him, obsessing about him, making all the sacrifices, giving and giving endlessly. These things are likely to turn him off. That kind of behavior, however well-intentioned, will only help turn the pressure up for both of you, so he might try to relieve it by staying away from you.
At the end of the day, it’s important to be yourself in your relationship. However, it’s also important to consider your partner and how your behavior might affect him. If you don’t, you may end up doing things that brings about a premature end to something that could have been amazing.
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