One moment, you think your relationship is doing great and you can’t remember the last time you were this happy or content. The next, it feels like your guy is looking for the closest exit and talking about needing space. What you really want is for things to work out. However, yu’re unconsciously doing things that are pushing him further away from you. Here are a few behaviors you might want to curb before he gets too far away.
You’re too available. It’s sweet that you want to spend time with him and get to know him and his quirks better. However, there’s no need for things to get too intense. Calling and texting him every minute of the day is too much overload. Let’s face it, no one requires that much checking up on. You need to create room for him to miss you and value the moments he gets to spend with you. Love is not a marathon. It’s OK to take things slow and let him come to you sometimes.
You assume he has the magical ability to read minds. You know how annoying it is when babies keep crying and are unable to tell you what’s irritating them so you can fix it easily? That’s the same way it feels when you bottle up your desires and emotions instead of sharing them with your partner. He might find it cute and try to guess his way into figuring out what you want, but that script is going to get boring pretty quickly because he asked for a girlfriend, not a Rubik’s cube.
You’re the queen of guilt-tripping. People mess up all the time and it sucks, but what sucks even more is having your mistakes thrown into your face wherever you turn. He hasn’t forgotten what he did wrong. In fact, he’s probably sorry and has apologized for it, so using every fight as an opportunity to rub his face in it isn’t going to achieve what you’re hoping for. It’s going to drive a wedge between the two of you that he’ll eventually want a break from.
Oversharing is your favorite type of sharing. I know how liberating it feels when you find someone you really like and feel you can trust. Sure, you want to open up yourself completely and tell him everything that has ever happened to you. While that’s a good thing, it’s not always the best move for you to flood him with information especially when the relationship is still new. If he’s not ready to share your drama, he’s going to run and hide because he feels overwhelmed by all of you.
Your intimacy level is not where it should be. Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it is important. You should want to please and be pleased by your partner physically. If you neglect that too much, he’s bound to have a problem sooner or later. Even beyond sex, there are little physical and emotional acts like caring about his work or day, listening when he talks about things that bother him, and touching or kissing him when you walk by. It might not look like a big deal, but neglecting these gestures could push him away.
You stopped being your own person. One of the negative side effects of being in a relationship is focusing on your partner’s needs and feelings to the detriment of your own. But you can’t give up on yourself because of him. If you’re not trying to maintain or improve your physical, emotional, and professional well-being, he’s going to notice and his attraction might start to wane.
You’re constantly judging or trying to change him. You have to actually like a guy for who he is if you want things to work out. Pretending isn’t going to cut it. Your true feelings will keep showing up unexpectedly in the ways you keep judging everything he does. I’m not saying let him get away with his bad behavior, but when he’s done nothing wrong and you’re still ready to criticize, he’s going to interpret that as you not wanting him around and it will end up pushing him away.
Everything thing is a test with you. If you’re with a guy, you’re probably expecting the relationship to go somewhere. But, trying to rush him towards that goal. Making him do things or answer tricky questions right away so you can measure his affection is not going to get you there sooner. Of course, relationships take work and effort. Still, no one wants to feel like that’s all it is. If you expect him to do or say all kinds of outlandish things to prove he’s serious, don’t be surprised when he chooses to take a step back.
You keep doing the most in the relationship. I know it’s fun to say “I love him enough for the both of us,” but you can’t really do that. You can’t always be the one putting in the work, taking care of him, obsessing about him, making all the sacrifices, giving and giving endlessly. These things are likely to turn him off. That kind of behavior, however well-intentioned, will only help turn the pressure up for both of you, so he might try to relieve it by staying away from you.
Things you think are pulling him closer but are really pushing him away
Taking a walk down memory lane You don’t need to constantly remind him of the good times. If things are rough, remembering when they were good will only further establish how bad they are now. If the subject comes up, feel free to reminisce. If you have an ulterior motive, keep the memory to yourself or you’ll end up pushing him away.
Putting him first It’s sweet that you want to make him a priority in your life, but he can’t be at the top of your list. That’s doubly the case if you’re not at the top of his. Put yourself first and he’ll be attracted to your independence, but put him first and he might be scared off by your unhealthy obsession.
Giving up your own life Just like he shouldn’t be your top priority, he also can’t be your only priority. Forgetting your friends so you can focus on spending time with your boyfriend is silly. It will also never help the relationship. You need to have hobbies, interests, friends, and friends outside of the relationship. Bottom line: you need your own life.
Giving your sex life too much power Sex is such an important part of a relationship, but it isn’t everything. Emotional intimacy is far more important. So remember, if you have sex like dogs but fight like them too, the former doesn’t make up for the latter. You might get what you want in the moment. However, you’ll ultimately end up pushing him away.
Over-listening You might be a great listener, but being able to quote every word back to someone isn’t always a good thing. In your mind, you’re being respectful by paying attention to every single word that slips from his lips. In his, you’re taking him too literally with the unfortunate ability to hold his words against him.
Keeping a constant flow of communication You may think that talking all the time keeps you close, but keeping him on the hook 24/7 is draining. He doesn’t have the time to spend all day texting you. He has a job, friends, and hobbies. Just give the boy some space before you start pushing him away.
Talking about your exes It’s admirable that you want to share everything with your boyfriend. No secrets, right? Well, keeping the past in the past doesn’t constitute a secret. If he’s with you, then he’s moved on from his ex. Stop reliving history and keep the lives you had before each other in the past.
Constantly discussing your feelings You might love him, but you don’t have to talk about it all the time. He should be able to tell your affections by the way you treat him. You don’t need to say “I love you” 20 times a day. That’s called smothering. If he feels trapped, all he’ll want is to escape.
At the end of the day, it’s important to be yourself in your relationship. However, it’s also important to consider your partner and how your behavior might affect him. If you don’t, you may end up doing things that brings about a premature end to something that could have been amazing.