If you hate dating and wish you didn’t have to do it, that’s probably in part because you’re not looking at things clearly. Once you accept these inevitable truths about the search for love, everything will change.
What you see isn’t usually what you get. Most people don’t portray the 100% real version of themselves on a first date, and it all goes back to our evolutionary instincts to attract a mate. I’m so over the pressure for women to go into dates as raw as possible. Pressuring yourself to look and act natural is asking yourself to be vulnerable with someone that hasn’t yet gained your trust. Don’t fall into that trap and make dating miserable.
Most of the men you date won’t be right for you. If you genuinely believe in soulmates, then that means that statistically speaking, an overwhelming majority of the men you date won’t be right for you. If you go on a date with this mindset, that takes the pressure off. Instead of thinking, “He could be the love of my life!” and driving yourself crazy, you go in thinking, “This guy probably isn’t my soulmate but I just want to have a good time and see where things go.” It makes a world of difference!
You won’t be right for most of the men that you date. It breaks my heart to hear so many women wonder what’s wrong with them and why they keep driving men away. Let me answer that question for you right now: nothing! Nothing about you drives men away. You’re just not for them. The odds aren’t in your favor. Stop blaming yourself for failed relationships.
You’ll always find a fatal flaw in everyone you date. I feel the need to hammer this home. I’ve witnessed my parents’ healthy marriage and I can confidently say that in every relationship, there’s at least one flaw that drives one partner up the wall. It could be something as silly like an annoying habit of leaving socks on the floor to something as substantial as a battle with addiction. Now, I’m not suggesting you overlook major red flags, but I am urging you to understand that there will always be something in every man that you won’t like. Don’t ruin your dating life by shutting down each guy once you see one of those flaws! Things could still work out.
Everyone you date will find a fatal flaw in you. Again, this will help you to stop trying to hide those significant flaws. I believe in putting your best foot forward, but at some point you have to let the real you come out to play. And when she does, stand by her. The kind of man that will make you happy is one that is willing to deal with the beautiful and ugly parts of you. If he sees something he doesn’t like and leaves, let him go. Hiding the ugly parts of yourself is exhausting.
Most of your relationships will fail. If you’re the type of woman that wants to end up in a monogamous relationship with the love of your life, that means that all your other relationships will fail. I don’t know why this simple logic doesn’t click for most of us. It’s OK that all your relationships have failed so far. It’s OK that more of them will. It’s not you or your partner, it’s simply life. When you meet “The One,” neither of you will be able to walk away.
Dating is a long game. Pretty much all of us are dating with the end goal of getting married. It’s a seriously long game—strap yourself in because it might take years or decades. Forget about the timelines that society forces on women. It’s OK to be single and dating in your forties or fifties. Don’t settle because you deserve the best. That takes a long time to find. Don’t get frustrated with the dating process because it’s taking too long.
Dating will help you hold up a mirror to yourself. We all live in echo chambers. We subconsciously surrounded ourselves with people that look and think like us. It’s natural. Dating helps you hold up a mirror to yourself. It shows you how judgmental or accepting you are and how patient or impatient you are. If you accept this and go into it with a positive attitude, excited about how the men you meet will teach you more about you, you’ll have a lot more fun. Learning more about yourself is always a win. Don’t run away from yourself!
Dating can bring wonderful friends and brothers into your life. Most relationships will fail, but they can also be a great source of non-romantic connections. Please, don’t let good men walk out of your life just because you don’t believe in having male friends. Here’s a dose of truth: men and women can be great friends. If you learn to see dating as an opportunity to form connections, you’ll enjoy it more.
Dating can bring you the love of your life. Yes. When you inevitably get frustrated with dating, you need to remember that you’re looking for one man—only one—and the only way you’ll find him is by being open. Dating, helps you do that. It forces you to put yourself in the physical, mental, and spiritual place where you’re open to that connection. So date until you find “The One.” You’ll be so much happier. Besides, actively dating increases the chances of you two finding each other, so what are you waiting for? Get out there!
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