Sure, there are things that we would all like to go back and change (or do over), but the reality is that’s just not possible. Is your ghost of relationships past getting in the way of your future? Here’s how to tell if you’re living in the past and need to move on.
- You check his Facebook all day every day. And his Twitter. And his Instagram. And his Tumblr. Hell, you’re even checking his Spotify because you can’t get through the day without knowing what he’s listening to every second. He’s supposed to be your past, but you’re all up in his present. Girl, quit. And while you’re at it, stop checking out his new girl, too. You don’t know her.
- His image is everywhere. There’s no reason to torment yourself with the image of something you can’t have. You don’t have pictures of Carrie Bradshaw’s shoe closet hanging up all over your house, do you? Didn’t think so. Make like Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow and “put the pictures away”.
- You have false memories. You’re romanticizing your past and remembering it as so much better than it was. Remember the fights, his annoying fraternity brothers, and his wandering eyes. In other words, remember him for who he is, not who you imagine he could have been.
- You still talk to his mom, sister, and/or best friend. You claim to be “so over it” because you haven’t even talked to him in months, so why are you still talking to his family? It’s time to stop grasping at straws and cut all ties.
- You compare all new guys to him. “He wouldn’t have said that” or “My ex would never have done this” need to be removed from your vocabulary immediately. Why would you want some exact replica of your ex when you should be looking for something better? If he was so perfect, you’d still be together.
- You talk about him all the time. You’re dangerously close to getting unfriended by all of your friends because they’re so tired of hearing about your ex. They gave you the couple months worth of grieving period, but you took their inch and went a mile. For your sanity and theirs, cease all ex talk stat.
- You’re holding on to mementos. Whether it’s a CD he made for you, tickets from your first concert together, or all of his texts and emails, you just can’t seem to let go. This is emotional hoarding and it’s time to stop re-reading old correspondence to see if you “missed” any signs. It’s over, move on, and move his remains to the dumpster. See #5 here – it really shouldn’t take forever.
- Every text you send him starts with “remember when”. Okay, first of all, STOP TEXTING HIM! Second, he likely does remember since he was also there. He just stopped caring, and so should you.
- You blame yourself for the past. If you’re still blaming yourself for mistakes you made in your past. then you’re still living there. Time to relocate into the future.
- You have some serious trust issues. So you’ve been cheated on, lied to, and mistreated. Haven’t we all? Stop punishing the current guy in your life for the mistakes that the old one made. Give trust a chance until you have a reason not to.
- You refuse to get back out there. You won’t move on because you are convinced he was the one and he is coming back to you…even though he is married…with a baby on the way.
If you need some help moving forward, check out 16 Signs He Doesn’t Deserve You, and remind yourself everyday until you no longer feel the urge to see what he is doing.