We’ve all been in relationships where we felt (or been told) we’ve been “asking for too much” from our partner. However, the problem with this is deciding whether it’s true or you’re just with someone who disagrees with your point of view.
- “Asking for too much” is subjective. What you might think isn’t a lot or is very basic might be too much for someone else and vice versa. It all comes down to whether you feel like your basic needs are getting met—and if they’re not, therein lies the issue. That doesn’t mean there’s something inherently wrong with your relationship expectations but perhaps rather that you and your partner aren’t compatible.
- It’s important to analyze the extent of what you’re asking. What are you asking for, exactly? Is it a deal breaker? Can the relationship be salvaged if you continue to ask for the same thing when you feel like you’re not getting it? All of these are valid questions that you need to dig deep, answer, and be honest with yourself about before you do anything else.
- Do you have unrealistic expectations? You should also yourself if you’re being reasonable or if you have unrealistic expectations that you’re demanding to be met. For instance, affection from your partner is a basic need we all require in a relationship. However, expecting your S.O. to drop everything for you whenever you want attention is another thing entirely, especially when it’s not convenient for them. If you believe you’re being reasonable then you shouldn’t be afraid to approach your partner about the situation. If you think you’re being demanding, perhaps you should try and work on this to improve your relationship.
- Who says it’s too much? Has your partner directly said that you’re asking for too much or is this just a feeling that you get? If the latter, what signs have there been to indicate this? To solve this problem, you need to get the bottom of why you’re feeling this way so that you can successfully move forward, hopefully together.
- Have a conversation with your other half. If they had no idea you felt this way and are happy to take proactive measures to ensure you don’t feel this way again then happy days, as you were. If you’ve already had the discussion and your S.O. has made it clear that what you’re asking for is unacceptable, this is another story.
- Check with your loved ones to see if they feel you’re being unreasonable. If you’ve already had the discussion with your other half and it didn’t exactly go well, speak to your family and friends about it. They know you better than anyone else and will tell you straight up how they see it. Even though the truth might hurt, it will help you decide the next steps and whether your relationship is worth saving.
- Is your other half belittling your feelings? If your friends and family think that you’re perfectly within your rights to ask for whatever you’re asking for and your other half doesn’t, just remember one thing: your feelings are valid. Don’t give someone else the power to belittle you.
- Is your other half actively trying to improve the situation? At the end of the day, your partner should just want to make you happy and be making big efforts to achieve this if you’ve communicated the severity of the situation. If they’ve expressed that they disagree, they should be trying to compromise with you in some way. Alternatively, have they made false promises but nothing is changing no matter how many times you talk about it? Then it might be time to have a serious word with yourself.
- Consider what you deserve. Ultimately, you should have the self-worth to walk away if you’ve tried to work it out with your partner but you don’t think you’re getting what you think you deserve from the relationship.
- There are plenty of other options. The bottom line is that there will be plenty of other potential partners out there who agree with your point of view and want the same things as you—even if your current partner doesn’t. Perhaps it’s time to realize that there is someone else that will be better suited to you. By sticking with the wrong person, you’re wasting time that you could be utilizing to try and find the right person.
