I’ve been openly bisexual since I was 15—that’s about the same time I became an exclusively sexual being to far too many people. Since I’ve gotten older and started dating, it’s only gotten worse and it is starting to hurt my dating life.
- I’m constantly asked for threesomes. Way too many guys on dating sites ask for threesomes. It’s often the first thing they say to me. Then, when I say I’m not interested, they act shocked that a bisexual wouldn’t want a threesome with a stranger and another woman they assume I’d be bringing. It’s just really frustrating when I’m trying to meet people and make connections and they just want a blowjob from two girls at once (which is something someone actually requested from me).
- Unicorn Hunters are even worse. “Unicorn Hunter” is a term for straight couples looking for a bisexual to bring into their bedroom. I find a lot of them on dating sites and their profiles are sometimes very deceiving. They almost always only use the woman’s name and the profile picture will usually be just the woman’s so they can lure in unsuspecting bisexuals. Then they get mad when I call them out on their trickery. To these people, bisexuals are no more than a sex toy to add to their collection rather than actual human beings.
- I’m considered promiscuous based only on my sexuality. Far too often, people assume I sleep around because I’m bisexual. Not to say all bisexuals are waiting until marriage, but not all of us are promiscuous either. Still, this assumption causes people looking for serious relationships to shy away from bisexuals because they’re afraid we only want sex. I don’t know why people assume that being attracted to all people means that we want them both at once, but here we are.
- People are afraid I’ll cheat. For the same reasons people think we’re promiscuous, they also think we’re going to be unfaithful when we’re in a relationship. There is this idea that bisexuals can’t commit to a monogamous relationship and they will inevitably cheat. Just because I’m attracted to all genders doesn’t mean I can’t be faithful.
- Lesbians think I’ll leave them for a man. For some reason, lesbian women assume bisexual women secretly want men (while straight men fetishize our attraction to women). I don’t want my partner to feel like it’s a competition to keep my attention or that they’re constantly in danger of losing me for someone else because that’s just not the case.
- They assume I’m into polyamory or open relationships. Again, people just don’t think bisexuals can be in committed, monogamous relationships. If I’m not cheating or sleeping around, I must be polyamorous or in an open relationship. At the very least, I must be looking for a third for me and my partner. The truth is, I prefer monogamy. Why do so many people struggle to understand this?
- Because I like all people, I must be attracted to every single person I see. People act like because I’m attracted to all genders, I’m attracted to all people. This is just blatantly not true. My attraction is based on looks and personality, just not gender. Are straight women attracted to every guy they lay eyes on? Are lesbians attracted to every single woman? The whole thing is so silly.
- Sometimes people don’t believe that I’m actually bisexual. While this mostly happens with my family members, my friends and partners tend to not quite believe I’m actually bisexual either. This usually comes in the form of pretending it’s not a thing or trying to convince me that because I’ve slept with X amount of men or I am dating X gender, I must be straight/gay. This blatant bisexual erasure and I hate it.
- I’m more likely to experience domestic abuse because of these things. Bisexuals are more likely to experience violence in intimate relationships. This is because they get accused of cheating more than straight people, their partner feels insecure in the relationship because of their sexuality, or because they don’t want a threesome or open relationship and their partner assumed they would. Either way, being bisexual puts me at a higher risk of domestic abuse, which kinda puts a damper on my dating life. It sucks.