8 Things I Learned From Dating A Bisexual Man

When I started dating my bisexual ex-boyfriend, everyone raised their eyebrows. While many of us swoon over openly bisexual women like Megan Fox and Anna Paquin, bisexual guys just don’t get the same kind of love. It sucks that there’s still a still a double standard when it comes to dating bi guys, but being with one for two years taught me some pretty amazing lessons about life and love.

Not everyone is going to understand your relationship. Because of this, talking about your relationship might be awkward AF. Some people are going to assume that “bisexual” really means “gay” and that you’re just your boyfriend’s beard. Other people will just look at you like you’re crazy. Not everyone is going to get it, and that’s OK — the only person who has to be comfortable with your relationship is you.

You’re not destined to get an STD. Dating a guy who has also dated other guys doesn’t mean that you’re automatically destined to get an STD. In fact, because he’s dated people of the same sex, there’s a chance that he’s even more conscientious about his sexual health (getting tested regularly and practicing safer sex) than other people you’ve dated. This is a baseless stereotype that needs to stop.

He loves women and knows how to please them. Just because he’s dated dudes doesn’t mean that he’s clueless when it comes to pleasing you. Actually, it’s exactly the opposite: he’s ridiculously attracted to you and will stop at nothing to make you feel like a queen.

It can get weird when he talks about his exes. It’s jarring whenever your new beau initially mentions his exes, but it can take extra getting used to when the people he’s dated have names like “Pablo” and “John.” You’ll get over it quickly, but it might be weird at first.

You might end up with insecurities you never thought you’d have. Does he really want to be with me? What if he’s just biding his time until he’s attracted to someone else? Was the sex better with Pablo? No matter how comfortable you are with yourself and your relationship, these are all things that will pass through your mind at some point. Acknowledge them and move on.

Love is about the person, not the gender. My ex cared about me because of me, not because of what was or wasn’t between my legs.

Bisexuality is real. It isn’t a stop-over to being gay. Dating someone who’s bi doesn’t mean that they’re going to eventually “turn gay” despite what people will try and tell you. Some people can be attracted to both men and women, and that’s pretty awesome.

But sometimes, things can change. When I met my ex-boyfriend, he had dated both women and men. A few years after we broke up, he now exclusively dates men. Does this negate what happened between us? No. Does this happen to everyone? Of course not. Sexuality is fluid and everyone’s personal life story is different, so don’t measure your own experiences against someone else’s.

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