The first time I experienced analingus, I was in bed laying on my stomach, having just gotten out of the shower. I was checking my emails when my partner pulled the towel from my still-wet body and dove, tongue first, into my butt. I froze; I’d never experienced analingus, but there I was, his tongue pretty far up in there, enjoying it. I enjoyed it so much that I think all women might want to give it a try at least once. But if your partner doesn’t offer it, then you’re going to have to ask him to do it.
Ease into it by dancing around the question. When it comes to sex, no matter what the sex act is, you should be able to talk about it. Even if you and your partner aren’t into certain things, having an open dialogue about sex and all its realms should just be part of the equation of any healthy relationship. Since that’s the case, you want to start a sex talk to get things going. But start way out in left field from analingus.
Ask him thoughts on similar sex acts. As you start to ease your way toward the big request, you’re going to need to get yourself to the point in the conversation where you’re talking about anal play. While analingus is far from anal sex, especially in regards to the invasiveness of it, because it involves the anus, it still falls in the anal play bracket. If you and your partner have never indulged in anal play, getting to this part of the conversation could be a big leap. But, hey, if you want your guy to eat your booty, you’ve got to go there.
Use porn to help get the conversation started. If you find that you’re sort of stumbling over your words, as you try to make your way toward your analingus convo, then it might be time to cut the chatter and toss on some porn. Anal play – all of it – is extremely popular in porn now, so finding porn that involves analingus won’t be hard at all. So while you’re watching the scene together, your next step is…
Ask him what he thinks about it. “Hey, babe. So, any thoughts on this intriguing sexual act? Ever considered it?”
Share your thoughts on it. “She seems to be enjoying it. It might feel kind of interesting – and it would definitely spice up our sex life. We really haven’t tried anything new in a long time, so maybe it’s time start experimenting more. What do you think?”
Allow him to express any concerns or insecurities he might have. For some people, when it comes to butt stuff there can be a gross factor – which is totally normal! It’s not that you’re gross, but that butts, all butts are from where human feces come. Feces are chockfull of bacteria and to not acknowledge this and talk about it is like ignoring the elephant in the room. So, if that’s the direction his brain goes, as much as it might not be the sexiest conversation to have, you can bring up cleaning methods so as to calm his thoughts and avoid any, um, sticky situations.
Discuss how hot taboo things can be. Although there’s a decent amount of women who physically enjoy anal play, one of the big selling points when it comes to anal or anything that isn’t totally vanilla, is the taboo factor associated with it. When we indulge in things that the masses tend to consider “naughty,” we feel like we’re getting away with something and it feel extra good. This is definitely something to bring up while stating your case for analingus.
Tell him stories about friends’ experiences with it. One of the big components of the human condition is feeling like you’re not alone. Because of this, sharing stories about the experiences of your friends can also sort of lay the foundation for getting analingus on the menu.
Don’t push the topic; let it evolve naturally. No matter how much you want your guy to eat your butt, you can’t totally push the topic. Yes, you need to bring it up, especially if it seems like something that he would never consider on this own, either because he doesn’t think you’d be into it or it just never crossed his mind, but you can’t harp on it for hours in one discussion. You need to spread out these attempts over a couple of days or a couple of weeks. Basically, you need to read the room, gauge his feelings on it, and proceed accordingly.
Just put it out there. If it gets to a point where your partner isn’t picking up what you’re putting down, isn’t reading between the lines, and you’re starting to realize that he has no idea that you’re ultimately asking him to perform analingus on you, then you need to get straight to the point and ask him. You might get lucky and, like my partner did that day, just dive right in, or he might need some convincing. Just remember that if, for whatever reason, he doesn’t want to do it, don’t get angry or shame him. We all have our boundaries when it comes to sex. While it’s fun to occasionally push those boundaries, there are some waters in which people will not, under any circumstances, swim.
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