How To Bridge The Libido Gap When Your Boyfriend Wants Sex More Often Than You Do

In a perfect world, you and your partner would want to get it on at the same time all the time. Your sex drives would be perfectly aligned and you’d be on the same page 24/7. In the real world, that’s unfortunately never going to be the case, and it can cause serious problems if not dealt with in the right way. If your boyfriend wants sex more than you do and you’re not sure how to handle it, consider trying these things to bridge the libido gap and keep your relationship on track.

  1. Accept when you’re just not in the mood. You can’t always be in the mood for sex just because he is. That would be like saying you’re always both in the mood to hit a club or eat doughnuts for dinner every night. Not gonna happen. You’ll want different things at different times. Explain to him that you’re not in the mood and why. It could be that you’re stressed or worried about something, or you’re beat after a busy day. Whatever it is, just be honest.
  2. Initiate it when you want it. If he’s always the one initiating contact, you might feel like you’re not taking the lead and missing out on what you want. The same goes for sex. You might be missing out on times when you want to get down. You should chase that feeling so that you take the lead at times and get your needs met – and maybe your sexual appetites will feel more in sync.
  3. Try other types of sex. Maybe you’re not in the mood for intercourse but you might be keen on oral or some other sexual act. Be open to this and ensure he’s also open to it. There are lots of different types of sex to appeal to you at different times and will make you both feel satisfied.
  4. Be intimate in other ways. This is what couples experiencing a libido gap fail to remember. Sex is about bonding, but it’s not the only way to feel close to your partner. It can feel so good to be intimate in other ways, such as spending an hour kissing or being emotionally intimate – yes, you can be intimate with your clothes on. This will also strengthen your connection.
  5. Talk about your different sex drives. Communication is key! Your partner might want sex every day of the week but you’re good with once or twice, and that’s okay. You just need to talk to each other about it because you have different sex drives. It happens, but it doesn’t have to be a big deal. If he’s only interested in sex, that’s a different issue and you shouldn’t be with him.
  6. Figure out what you need. Sex drives aside, what do you need in the bedroom? More foreplay? More kissing? More touching? More talking? Think about it as it can help you to feel more stimulated and interested in sex if the reason why your sex drive is down is that you’re not feeling satisfied.
  7. Be open to his feelings. Talking to the guy about where you’re at is important to prevent him from getting the wrong idea, like that he’s the problem or that he’s being rejected. But, he also needs to listen to what you’re feeling. Be sympathetic and understanding of where he’s coming from just as much you’d want him to do for you.
  8. Don’t just give in. When you feel pressured to have sex, you might think it’s better to just get it over with instead of talking about it or arguing about it, but it’s really not. Plus, you should never feel forced to do anything. This will just lead to resentment over time.
  9. Don’t beat yourself up. You shouldn’t feel guilty because you’re not in the mood to have sex as much as he is. It’s normal for couples to have totally different sex drives and it doesn’t always mean that there’s something wrong with your compatibility. But…
  10. Ask yourself if the problem’s outside the bedroom. While not always the case, it’s worth considering if the reason why you’re never interested in sex is that there’s something going on in your relationship that’s not working for you. Maybe your partner’s done something that rubbed you the wrong way or you feel that you’re not compatible in other ways. Ask yourself if you’re happy with this guy. If not, that could possibly be why you’re just not feeling the physical intimacy.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.