Maybe you’ve fought one too many times or something just doesn’t feel right anymore, but you feel like your relationship is in trouble. Here are the questions to ask yourself to see if you’re going through a rocky patch or have come to the end of the road.
Is this the first time you’ve fallen out big time? If it’s been plain sailing with your BF from day one, the first big fight can come as a massive shock. You haven’t learned how to deal with each other’s reactions, and seeing each other in a new, unfriendly light can be pretty off-putting. Give yourself time to cool off, apologize, and see if the damage can be repaired.
Have any external factors changed? Are you feeling bored because things just aren’t that exciting right now or has something triggered a change in feeling? The changes going on outside of a relationship, from work to moving home or even just growing up, can all affect how we feel romantically, and sometimes it’s the right thing to let go.
Has he changed the way he treats you? OK, I call red flag on this one. If your boyfriend has started treating you worse now that you’re out of the honeymoon stage, it might be a good idea to up and run. Unless he has a very good excuse for turning into an a-hole (we’re talking bereavement or loss of a limb), this guy doesn’t deserve you.
Is there someone new on the scene? Has your change of heart in your current relationship coincided with the making of a new, intriguing acquaintance? Even if it’s an unconscious shift, it’s worth taking account of your feelings towards others. If a loss of interest in your relationship is appearing instead in someone else, it might be worth returning to the single life.
Do you keep having the same argument over and over again? Arguments are nothing to be afraid of—no normal relationship is without its ups and downs. If you find yourself boomeranging back to the same old argument every few weeks, though, it could be that you and your partner aren’t meant to be. Save yourself from having the same stay or go dilemma a few weeks down the line by ending things now.
Is the feeling mutual? Has your boyfriend noticed your change of heart or is he merrily carrying on as per usual? If you feel comfortable doing so, have an open conversation with him about your feelings. It may be that he’s been worrying too and you can work together to find a solution. If he doesn’t seem bothered about making things work, it’s time to call it a day.
Have you tried injecting something new into the relationship? Even the most mind-blowingly perfect guy will lose the novelty factor eventually. Before you give the relationship up as a lost cause, ask yourself how you could recreate that first date spark. Maybe it’s about spending quality time together or going the other way and taking time apart to evaluate your feelings. Don’t let a momentary patch of boredom make you let go of a good thing.
Is this a tiff or a fundamental disagreement? What’s causing the rocky patch between you? If you’ve just started getting on each other’s nerves, some time apart might be enough to reset your feelings for each other. Before you decide to stick around, though, ask yourself if this could be about something deeper. If your rocky patch is rooted in a disagreement about core values, the wounds you’ve opened might take a while longer to heal. Ask yourself how important it is to see eye to eye with your guy on key issues. It might not be worth compromising.
How will you feel if this is the end of the road? If you decide to end things here, what would your gut reaction be? Momentarily disappointed? Not that bothered? Completely distraught? Ask yourself how you’d feel without this person in your life. If the answer is not too different, this guy might not be worth the hassle.
Be honest, do you want to fight for the relationship? Ultimately, no one can decide for you whether a relationship is worth fighting for. All couples go through bad spells, and it’s worth giving your best shot to make it work so that when you look back, you’ll know you tried everything. Who knows, this could be the teething period before an amazing new chapter together. Still, sometimes we have a hunch that this isn’t the case and walking away is a much greater act of bravery than staying together usually is. Give your BF a chance to make things right, but you can only follow your heart.
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