These 11 Things Are The Bare Minimum A Guy Should Be Doing In Bed

You might think that you can work with bad or unsatisfying sex by training a guy to do what you want, but honestly, that’s a lot of work you don’t need. You deserve to have your mind blown between the sheets and you can increase your chances of making it happen by agreeing not to go to bed with someone who won’t do these things:

  1. Go down on you. When did it become okay for guys to demand blow jobs but then not reciprocate the favor? That’s BS. If he won’t go down on you, whether because of his own issues or because he just doesn’t like it, that’s not good enough. It WILL become an issue later, especially because sometimes oral sex can be better than the main event.
  2. Spend time on foreplay. Getting some foreplay — not just oral sex — is often a must to get aroused, unless you’re in the mood for a quickie. It also heightens your sexual enjoyment. If he wants to jump straight into sex, he’s only giving you half the pleasure. It’s not enough and you don’t have to put up with it.
  3. Listen to what you want. Good sex starts with communication. You should have a sexual partner who listens to what you want in bed and makes it happen for you. If a guy thinks that all sex comes standard or his large penis is enough to give you pleasure, he’s not going to satisfy you. Yes, even if he’s well-endowed.
  4. Make you feel gorgeous. As a woman, you want to feel gorgeous in the sack. Period. This makes you feel more aroused and helps you relax so you can properly enjoy yourself. If a guy doesn’t bother making you feel gorgeous, like by telling you how beautiful you are or being tender with you, he’s not worth your time.
  5. Find out what turns you on. Orgasms are important, sure, but they’re not the only thing you want out of sex. Guys need to realize that they should be trying to please you from the moment you start to get undressed, by exploring your body and finding what turns you on, especially because many women don’t reach orgasm via penetrative sex alone.
  6. Be spontaneous. If a guy can’t surprise you with great sex every now and then when you least expect it instead of sticking to the same tried-and-tested late-night groping session, he’s boring AF. You deserve the thrills of spontaneous sex.
  7. Make an effort. Lying there in the hope that you’ll do all the work? That’s not on! You should be with a guy who works hard to keep you sexually satisfied. Only then should you return the favor.
  8. Take control in the right way. Gentle, tender sex always has its place, but sometimes you might want to try something different. Perhaps you like it when a guy pulls your hair or bites you. Whatever the case, it boils down to the fantasy of wanting a guy to dominate every now and then. The key is to be with someone who’s unafraid to take control but makes sure what he’s doing is what you want — your sexual satisfaction needs to be his priority.
  9. Take time to make you reach orgasm. Don’t go to bed with a selfish lover who only cares about getting his rocks off. If he doesn’t care about your pleasure and ends the sex session the minute he’s reached orgasm, he’s a bad sexual partner. You deserve a chivalrous guy who will find other ways to make you reach orgasm if he doesn’t manage to make you come before he does.
  10. Kiss you during sex. Sex without kissing can sometimes feel like a huge turnoff because it cuts down on how much pleasure you’re getting. A guy who never likes to kiss in the sack might also make you wonder if he’s trying to get away with having sex while offering as little intimacy as possible. Dodgy.
  11. Pay attention to your body language. You should have a sexual parter who listens to what you want in the sack, but also reads your sexual body language. For instance, he’ll pick up on how your body responds to things he does to you, instead of ignoring you and focusing on his own pleasure. This is what takes sexual pleasure to the max.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.