Why “Hooking Up” Is Harder As You Get Older

Hooking up has become completely normal these days. Whether you meet by app or by friends, almost every modern relationship starts in the bedroom, and many never move beyond. It’s not exactly romantic, but it is real life. Still, what do you do if your “relationship” can’t seem to mature into adulthood? Face it: Netflix and chill isn’t exactly the romance you’ve been swiping for, especially if your parents are breathing down your back and asking if you’ve met anyone. Here’s why simply hooking up gets harder with every passing year of your life:

You don’t go out like you used to.

Back in college, hooking up was hella easy. You and your boy of the moment would go out to the same party or bar and then head home from there. Now, it’s less than likely that you’ll be out past midnight every weekend. It’s even more unlikely that you’ll both be out on the same night, at the same time, and in close proximity to each other. Constant Ubers are expensive and inconvenient.

You need some kind of prep time.

Maybe you need to mentally prepare, or perhaps you just need to pack a bag with the essentials. Now that you’re a grown up, you’re not exactly into the walk of shame, especially when you never know who you’ll run into. When someone sends a “u out?” text and you’re wearing a spandex dress and don’t have lipstick with you, an impromptu slumber party just isn’t that appealing.

It’s harder to pretend you don’t want some kind of relationship.

When you were a naive early 20-something, it was easy enough to laugh off relationships and pretend you were happy with a pure hookup. Now that there’s another engagement every weekend, it’s a lot harder to pretend you’re OK just hanging out with someone who’s not ready to commit to you.

People think it’s OK to constantly ask about your dating life.

As you reach your 20s (and then head past them), it’s normal for actual adults to ask you who you’re seeing. It’s not okay to shrug it off anymore, because they’ll just keep interrogating you.

Drunk sex isn’t as enjoyable as it once was.

Sure, when you first started hooking up, being a couple drinks deep was basically a requirement. Now, you’d much rather be sober when it comes to getting intimate — especially since you’re too old to fake it.

Being hungover is better alone.

If you do have a week(end)ly hookup, it’s probable that it involves heading to a bar with your friends, grabbing drinks, and meeting up way past your bedtime. That means that by the time you roll out of bed the next morning, your day is basically shot. Say goodbye to brunch or even running errands, because you’re Netflix and chilling for the rest of the day.

Hooking up holds you back.

It’s no secret that app dating is the absolute worst. It’s time consuming, stressful, and leads to lots of first dates that don’t seem to go anywhere. But it’s also a good way to meet people —  and if you’re consistently hanging out with someone, you’re not going to make an effort to “put yourself out there” (read that in your mother’s voice). A grey area relationship isn’t healthy for anybody, especially if you can feel yourself wanting more than just an occasional late night phone call.

Late night texts lose their luster after a long work week.

When your guy of the moment is trying to hang and you’re in bed, you’re not exactly going to get excited about it. In college, when you got that weekend text you were waiting for, you’d tell your friends and craft the perfect response. Now you roll over and go back to bed.

Adulthood means there are tons of events you could actually use a date for.

With the holidays coming up, there are Christmas weddings and work parties. You’d much rather have a real, live date than someone to post-game with.

It’s exhausting to make an effort for someone who can’t bother to make one for you.

You don’t exactly want to shave your legs and do your hair if you don’t even know if you’re meeting up with someone. When a dude can’t bother to make plans with you before midnight, you can’t bother to actually care.

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