While narcissists initially seem incredibly charming and sweet, the more time you spend with one, the more you realize just how much bad stuff lurks beneath the surface. Once the jig is up and you decide to cut them loose, you might think that the worst is over, but you couldn’t be more wrong. According to Simply Psychology, narcissists don’t admit defeat easily, so be prepared for one or more of these things to happen when you try and leave them behind.
1. The Hoover Maneuver
They’re gone, but wait, they’re back again, sending old pictures of you together looking happy and nostalgic texts, just to suck you back in like a vacuum. This isn’t about missing you; it’s about controlling you. Stay strong and don’t get pulled back into the chaos. The rose-colored glasses they’re desperately trying to shove back onto your face are nothing more than a facade.
2. The Charm Offensive
Out of nowhere, the narcissist is super sweet again, showering you with attention and compliments and being the perfect partner. Remember, it’s a tactic to destabilize you, not a genuine change of heart. If you give in and decide to let them have a second chance, it’s only a matter of days before they’re back to their old tricks. Keep your guard up!
3. Public Performance
They turn into the perfect angel in public while you know the devil they are in private. They do this to discredit you and to paint a story where they’re the victim. Everyone around you will wonder what your issue is and why you can’t just appreciate what a great person you have in them. In the end, you look like the problem.
4. Smear Campaigns
Suddenly, there are rumors about you and completely insane tales spun in a way that makes them the saint and you the sinner. They will tell anyone who will listen how terrible you are, but you have to try to avoid the whispers. The people who truly know you and aren’t easily swayed will stand by your side because they’ll recognize exactly what’s happened. Those who take the narcissist’s side don’t deserve you in their lives.
5. Financial Foul Play
If it was a serious relationship you left behind, expect some low blows regarding money, whether they drain your joint accounts, refuse to pay you money they owe you, or hold your belongings hostage. Protect your assets as if you’re bracing for a storm because you most likely are. Narcissists will do anything and everything they can to control the narrative and you, and money is a great way for them to do it.
6. Legal Labyrinths
If a narcissist can involve lawyers or courts to make your life a living hell for daring to leave them behind, they will. It’s not about justice; it’s about prolonging their influence over you. Get legal counsel and lean on them for clear-headed guidance. This is just another form of abuse and a way of trying to break you down. As hard as it is, don’t let it!
7. The Silent Treatment
Sometimes after you try to rid yourself of a narcissist, they give you the cold shoulder, icing you out to make you feel insignificant. Silence can be unnerving, but it’s really a signal you’re taking back control. Enjoy the peace. After all, of all the behaviors they exhibit, this is probably the most positive!
8. Emotional Ping-Pong Matches
Prepare for mood swings sent your way—love bombs one minute, ice-cold the next. They’re trying to keep you off-balance, but don’t play the game. This inconsistent behavior is a sign that they’re spinning out of control, and a lack of response or reaction from you will drain the power and control from their hands.
9. Unexpected Alliances
You’ll see them buddy up with people they once criticized to get to you, anyone from your friends to your boss. It’s strategic, not social. They’ll try to integrate themselves into every corner of your life to make it all but impossible for you to truly be rid of them. Stay above it, and trust those who stay true.
10. Triangulation Tactics
Narcissists will often try to bring in a third party to create doubt, jealousy, or just to puppeteer a drama for their stage, according to Verywell Mind. It’s pathetic, sure, but don’t get dragged into the triangle. Using other people against you to make you feel ganged up on or isolated is a classic tactic of people who are desperate to stay in power. Be above the noise.
11. Technological Tug-of-War
Brace yourself for a barrage of texts, calls, or even cyberstalking. Narcissists will most likely be reaching for any connection they can maintain or disrupt. Keep records, but don’t engage. However, if it starts becoming extremely concerning — they start doxxing you online, hacking into your accounts, etc. — then don’t hesitate to contact the authorities.
12. Reputational Sabotage
Don’t be surprised if they spread lies to tarnish your reputation. It’s a scorched-earth tactic to ruin your social standing. This is one of the pettiest and most ridiculous tools in the narcissist’s arsenal, especially since most grown adults are above these playground games. Uphold your reputation with true integrity, and it will speak for itself.
13. Custody Chaos
If you have kids with the narcissist, expect them to use your child(ren) as pawns in their messed-up games. Document everything and seek professional support to shield your children from this spiteful behavior as much as possible. This is completely unfair and potentially damaging, so protect them at all costs.
14. Emotional Blackmail
Narcissists will try to manipulate your feelings to control you, saying anything to make you feel guilty, responsible for their well-being, or afraid. Recognize it for what it is: a desperate play. However, if you do have legitimate concerns that they may pose a real danger to you or the people in your life, go to the police.
15. Sudden Disappearance
Lastly, when they realize you’re no longer a source of supply, the narcissist might vanish as abruptly as they came. It’s disorienting, but ultimately it’s the first step towards your genuine freedom. Enjoy it and move on!
