No one is better than anyone else, but people still feel insecure sometimes for a variety of reasons. If you notice someone behaving in these ways, they likely feel inferior around you. Try not to take it personally — it’s nothing you’ve done wrong, it’s their own issues!
1. They adapt their way of speaking to match yours.
You’ll often hear them using words or phrases that seem out of character, almost as if they’re trying on a new personality. They pay close attention to how you express yourself and try to mirror that in their own language. It’s a natural but likely unconscious attempt to connect with you on a deeper level. As Psychology Today points out, this is also known as the chameleon effect.
2. They downplay their own successes around you.
When you’re talking to them, they tend to brush off their achievements by making them seem trivial or unimportant. Even when they’ve done something amazing that deserves recognition, they’ll shrug it off and divert the attention back to you. This self-minimization shows just how much they’re struggling with self-worth and believe that their accomplishments don’t measure up.
3. They laugh at your jokes in an exaggerated way.
Their laughter often comes a bit too quickly, a tad too loud, and doesn’t quite match the situation a lot of the time. It’s a reflex that’s almost involuntary and is definitely driven by a desire to seem more agreeable and likable. This overenthusiastic response is a telltale sign of their desperation to bond with you and feel like they’re on your level.
4. They apologize unprompted.
These apologies pop up constantly, interrupting conversations for reasons that seem trivial. Whether it’s for accidentally speaking before you finished your thought, a perceived misstep, or even just existing in the same space, they’re quick to say they’re sorry. It’s a habit rooted in the fear of being seen as intrusive or bothersome, and it’s kinda sad.
5. Their personal interests suddenly change.
They’ll start bringing up topics or hobbies that align with the stuff you like because they’re eager to show their involvement. These newly adopted interests also tend to come with a Wikipedia-length list of factoids that they clearly researched just to try and impress and engage with you in a way they think you’ll appreciate.
6. They’re overly agreeable to your opinions.
In discussions, they rarely challenge your ideas even if they really don’t agree with them. Instead, they nod along and echo your sentiments as if they’re totally on the same page. Even in situations where they might have a different POV, they choose conformity over conflict. This behavior is their way of ensuring harmony and acceptance with you.
7. They’re uncomfortable accepting your compliments.
When you tell them they did a good job on something or even that you like what they’re wearing, someone who feels inferior will always respond with surprise or skepticism. They might even hit back with a self-critical comment or deflect the compliment towards someone else. They’re not being falsely modest, either — it’s more about their struggle to see themselves in the positive light that other people do, and that’s a shame.
8. They prefer written communication.
They tend to choose emails or texts over face-to-face conversations, especially in situations where they need to really express themselves well. Written communication gives them the space to articulate their thoughts without the immediate pressure of a real-time response, which they might find intimidating or exposing.
9. They often resort to self-deprecating humor.
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People who feel inferior around you will usually poke fun of themselves before you can (even if you never would). This type of humor can seem like just a way to get laughs, but it can also be a protective mechanism to lower your expectations and deflect closer scrutiny or evaluation.
10. They rarely initiate plans or get-togethers.
They seldom take the lead in inviting people to hang because they prefer to follow along with other people’s suggestions. This reluctance isn’t due to a lack of interest in socializing, of course. It’s more that they’re scared of imposing on people or they’re scared of being turned down if people don’t like their ideas.
11. They’re selective about the conversations they participate in.
In group discussions, they often speak up only when someone directly addresses them or when absolutely necessary. The things they have to say are always really interesting and thoughtful, but they deliberately keep them brief and to the point. This selective participation isn’t about a lack of knowledge or interest — they just don’t want to draw too much attention to themselves.
12. They’re meticulous about their social media posts.
On social media, they tend to be very careful about what they post, often spending a lot of time curating or editing their content to portray a particular image. They might even avoid posting altogether. This obsession to detail stems from a concern about how they’re viewed online, which is why they prefer to maintain a low profile to avoid judgment or criticism.
13. They focus on everyone else’s achievements but their own.
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In conversations, they’re quick to bring up and praise other people’s accomplishments, while completely ignoring all they’ve achieved themselves. They’re more comfortable celebrating everyone else than being in the spotlight themselves. This is their way of shifting attention away from themselves so they don’t have to feel so vulnerable.
14. They downplay their problems.
When discussing the tough stuff in life, they have a tendency to downplay their own struggles, often saying that they know that other people have it worse. This isn’t just an expression of empathy; it’s also a way to avoid delving into their own troubles, which they might see as less significant. It’s a form of emotional invalidation, as Psych Central describes — only they’re doing it to themselves. What a shame!
