My Boyfriend And I Always Take Turns Paying— And That’s How It Should Be

Some women expect their boyfriends to pay for everything but I’m not one of them. I have a job and I earn my own money, so why shouldn’t I pay my own way? Plus, letting my boyfriend shoulder all the expenses would contradict everything I want out of a relationship—and that includes keeping things balanced. Here’s why I insist on chipping in:

  1. If I can afford to pay for myself, you bet I will. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be offering to pay when I can clearly support myself. And it’s not just when I’m with my boyfriend—I take turns paying when I go out friends too. That way, nobody will feel bad about paying more than their share.
  2. Money shouldn’t be an issue at this stage. In the first few months of the relationship, we’re still just getting to know one another and enjoying spending time together. Sure, we’ll have arguments, but I don’t want one of them to be about money. Now that would really kill the mood. That’s why taking turns paying is such a good idea—it ensures both of us are happy.
  3. I don’t want him to try and impress me. Why would I need him to impress me when I’m already his? Sure, it’s nice to be treated sometimes and I’d definitely appreciate it, but it’s really not necessary. I know that he cares about me and that’s all that matters.
  4. It’s not about who’s earning more. Let’s be honest—it’s unreasonable to expect someone to pay for everything just because they’re earning a bit more. My boyfriend does have more money in his pocket than I do, but that doesn’t matter to me. What matters more is that we’re splitting the cost of things and keeping an equal balance. I know that that’s exactly how it should be.
  5. I need to show that I can stand on my own two feet. If I let my boyfriend pay every time, what would that say about me as a person? I don’t ever want to be financially dependent on my partner. I’m a responsible adult who can support myself entirely without counting on someone else to pay my share of the bill.
  6. It makes more sense taking turns than splitting the bill. We could go dutch and split it 50/50, but in the long run, it’s just easier to alternate paying for each other. We don’t always remember whose turn it is to pay, but I figure it evens out in the end. Besides, I once went out with a guy who insisted that we split the bill and I was speechless when he started calculating EXACTLY how much his share was. It made things so awkward AF and there’s no way I’m going through that again.
  7. I’m not old-fashioned at heart. I know there are still some people out there who believe that the man should foot the bill every single time, but I will never think like that. I mean, it’s hardly fair, is it? I know that my boyfriend wouldn’t expect that from me so why would I expect it from him? Plus, there are other ways he can show me how much he cares.
  8. I don’t want to feel guilty. Whenever I go out and someone offers to pay for the meal, I try to pick the cheapest thing on the menu just so I don’t feel bad about them spending too much on me. If this became a regular occurrence with my boyfriend, it would probably make me rethink my eating habits and that’s not something that I really want to do. It’s a silly thing to feel guilty over and If I can avoid it, I will.
  9. Neither one of us feels like we’re being used. If I was always expected to pay for my boyfriend as well as myself, I’d feel like I was being taken for granted—and I assume that’s exactly how he would feel. It’s not fair to put added pressure on him to cover the cost of everything when I know that I can pay my own way. Taking turns paying works out well for both of us.
  10. It makes it feel like we’re a team. To put it simply, we’re not the kind of couple to buy each other random gifts. I guess that’s why it’s nice that I’m able to treat him to a meal and vice versa. It’s just a nice thing to do for each other and it shows that we do genuinely care. And if either of us wants to treat one another “just because,” well, there’s no discussion over the bill.
  11. It helps to maintain a balanced relationship. Let’s put it this way – if my boyfriend was covering the cost of everything he might feel like he’s putting in all the effort while I take the back seat. And in a way, that would be true. Nobody wants to feel like they’re being taken advantage of and I want to ensure that our relationship will never be like that. We both need to be putting in the same amount of effort and that includes taking turns paying.
Coralle is a freelance writer with an interest in relationships, women's health and parenting. In her free time, she enjoys reading, watching new Netflix shows and spending time with family.