If I Can’t Spend The Night, Then You Can’t Have Sex With Me

We just had mind-blowing sex and I’m more than a little tired. I can spend the night, right? If the answer to that question isn’t a firm, “Yes, of course,” then I’m out of here… for good. Why would I want to have sex with someone who refuses to actually sleep with me?

  1. It’s a common courtesy. If we just had sex, it really should be a given that I’m invited to sleep over. In fact, you should make me feel as welcome in your bed as I was to get you off. We might not be boyfriend and girlfriend, but we don’t have to be in an official relationship to treat each other with a basic level of decency and respect.
  2. I’d let you spend the night. I’m not being hypocritical here. I’d extend the same courtesy to you. If we went to bed in the figurative sense then there’s a standing invitation for you to sleep with me in the literal sense. I’m not asking for a whole lot here. If we’ve just been intimate, I want to be able to spend the night with you.
  3. It doesn’t mean I’m your girlfriend. Letting me spend the night isn’t an unspoken agreement that we’re now “official.” That line of thinking is just immature. If you don’t want me getting any “ideas” then you don’t need to kick me out. Just grow up and tell me you don’t want a relationship. I can handle the truth.
  4. Are you expecting someone else? That’s what I have to assume if you’re rushing me out the door right after we have sex. Otherwise, why wouldn’t I be welcome to stay? Am I the only girl who frequents your mattress or am I simply one of many? If that’s the case, then I won’t be staying. Instead, let’s say goodbye for good.
  5. I’m nobody’s dirty little secret. I don’t know if you’re trying to hide me from someone, but that’s not a game I’m interested in playing. I’m your favorite girl when we’re having sex and that shouldn’t change as soon as we’re done. I don’t know if there’s another girl in your life or you’re ashamed of me in some way, but I respect myself enough to demand better than that.
  6. What’s wrong with waking up next to me? Would waking up to a beautiful girl in your bed really be so bad? I think waking up to each other sounds nice. It doesn’t mean you have to buy me breakfast — I can fend for myself. I’m not mooching off of you or assuming this will turn into a regular thing. I simply want to spend the night because I’m tired. That’s it.
  7. We might not be together, but we’re clearly something. This might be a new “relationship” and we might be only casual for the time being, but we can at least be friends. The friendly thing to do here would be to invite me to stay the night and if I’m tired, I might just take you up on that.
  8. I don’t want to feel like a hooker. This isn’t some sort of professional transaction. Just because the deed is done doesn’t mean we need to immediately part ways. I’m not agreeing to a “have sex with me then get out” relationship. Maybe we’re not exactly together, but I deserve to be treated better than that.
  9. How is sleeping more intimate than sex? It’s perfectly acceptable for me to have sex with you, but sleeping next to each other is crossing the line? Where’s the logic in that? If you want to put your penis in me, you shouldn’t have a problem sleeping in the same bed as me. Other than forming an emotional connection, what’s more intimate than sex?
  10. At the very least, you should respect me. I may not be your girlfriend, but that doesn’t mean you don’t owe me anything. If we just had sex, I think I at least deserve your respect. Pushing me out the door the second you’ve finished your orgasm is just plain disrespectful. If that’s the way I’m going to be treated, then I won’t be coming back.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.