Why Being A Challenge Makes You Sexier Than You Think

A lot of guys don’t want to actually try anymore, so if you make it hard for them, they’ll move on to the next girl without a second thought. While there are a lot of guys like that (and women too, for that matter), men who actually want relationships are likely more attracted to women who don’t make it easy to win them over. That doesn’t mean you have to play hard to get, it just means you are hard to get.

  1. Guys like the chase. Of course he isn’t going to turn down a girl who does all the work, but at the same time, he probably won’t stay interested for long. If he has to put in work, he’ll have the chance to consider how much he really wants you, and then he’ll be a lot more invested in the outcome.
  2. Guys are competitive. He most likely knows he could pick up a girl without breaking a sweat if he wanted to, but where’s the fun in that? If it’s too easy, it’s not as satisfying. If you make it hard for him, he’ll automatically want it even more. This is especially true if he knows that other guys want you too — while you’re not a prize to be won, being a hot commodity does have its perks.
  3. You’re not interested in just anyone who gives you a little attention. Unless he’s looking for a quick no-nonsense hookup, he’s probably not going to be interested in a girl who has no standards whatsoever. Knowing what you want is half the battle, and having the strength to stick to it is a turn-on. Again, not giving into his advances right away gives him something to work for. He’ll have to put in some effort if he wants you.
  4. You’re in demand. If he knows he has to step up his game to get your attention, he’s going to assume it’s because you have plenty of other options. That will tap into his competitive streak again because he’ll want to be the guy who comes out on top. And again, while you don’t exist simply to be some dude’s prize, it’s true that you’re so much of a catch that you don’t have to settle for less than you deserve.
  5. If he wins you over, he’ll feel like he accomplished something. Going back to the competitive thing, guys enjoy working hard for something they want. We all set goals to push ourselves past our comfort zone, and if he pursues you even though you’re not a sure thing, it’s because he wants to prove his own worth.
  6. You’re comfortable being single. Since you aren’t willing to settle for just anyone, you must be fine with the idea of staying single if that’s what it comes down to. That probably means you’re independent and you can take care of yourself, and what guys don’t love that?
  7. You don’t stop challenging him after the chase is over. Just because you finally decided to give him a chance doesn’t mean it’s suddenly going to be smooth sailing. He wanted you because you’re smart and you keep him on his toes, and he knows that’s not going to go away once you’re together. You’re the type of girl who doesn’t just attract guys but knows how to keep them interested. Being a challenge isn’t a temporary phase, it’s an ongoing experience.
  8. Looks only go so far. Not every attractive girl has a personality to match. While looks might be important for the night, if you aren’t a well-rounded person, he’s going to lose interest. It’s like going to a movie that gave away all the funny parts in the trailer. You have to have more to offer if you want to get rave reviews.
  9. The things you have to fight for are worth having. It’s just human nature to think things that aren’t always easy are more worthwhile. Relationships in general aren’t easy, but we work for them anyway, so we might as well choose someone who’s worth the effort.
  10. You know who you are. Being a challenge isn’t about being deliberately contrary or aloof, it’s about knowing your worth and demanding respect. It’s hard to miss a girl who knows exactly what she wants and is unwilling to compromise who she is to get it. You have no intention of settling for less than you deserve, meaning you’ll bring out the best in any guy you’re with. At least if he wants to keep you, that is.

How to challenge a guy in the right way

  1. Don’t sleep with him right away. Being a challenge doesn’t necessarily mean being a prude, but it does mean that you don’t just give it up for any guy who walks through the door and pays you a compliment. If he wants the privilege of seeing you undressed and getting to be close to you in that way, he’s going to have to prove he’s worth it.
  2. Don’t be available every single time he wants to hang out. You don’t need to pretend you’re busy or turn him down every time he asks you out, but you shouldn’t be available every single time he wants to hang, at least not at first. It’s important that he realizes you have plenty of other options for things to do and people to see. If you’re going to prioritize him during your limited free time, you want to make sure it’s the right decision.
  3. Don’t put up with BS. If you catch him in a lie, he says he’ll do something and doesn’t follow through, or he exhibits any other problematic behavior, for God’s sake, don’t just put up with it — call him out on it. If he thinks he can get away with things with you, he’ll continue to do so. By letting him know that you’re not going to put up with whatever nonsense he’s pulling, he’ll either have to get his act together or risk losing you. His choice.
  4. Have a life you love and are unwilling to give up for him or anyone else. All relationships require compromise, and if you do end up with this guy long-term, you’ll have to make room for him in your life and change some things to accommodate a partner. In the immediate, however, that’s not something you should even be considering before you know that he has boyfriend potential. You don’t even have to deliberately challenge him here — it happens naturally by having a killer life that’s complete without him. He’ll have to really go above and beyond if he wants to be added into the mix.
  5. Keep your options open until he gives you a reason not to. It’s natural that when we meet a guy we like, we immediately go all-in, even if only in our heads, and shut down the prospect of any other guys so we can focus on this one. Why limit yourself in this way? Until you get to know him better and know for sure that you have long-term compatibility, and until he’s made it clear that he wants to commit to you in a monogamous relationship, by no means should you be doing anything but keeping your options open yourself. You don’t want love to pass you by, after all.
  6. Don’t chase him no matter how much you like him. Of course, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be showing interest and treating him the way you’d want to be treated. It’s not all up to him to put in the effort. However, under no circumstances should you ever chase him. If he’s not giving you the exact same amount of effort and attention back, he’s really not worth your time. Challenge him to step up to the plate and make his interest clear like a grown man.
  7. Inspire him to better himself. You should never get involved with someone hoping or expecting to change them. You’re not his mother or his life coach, and he’s not your special project. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t inspire him to be the best version of yourself. This isn’t something you need to do verbally but rather via your behavior. Be the best version of yourself, and he’ll likely be encouraged to do the same so he can get on your level.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.