Why Do Guys Stop Putting In Effort Once They Think They’ve Won You Over?

He was all about romancing and courting you when you first met, but now that you’re in a relationship with him, he’s not making much effort. It’s like he’s checked out! What the heck happened? Here are some things that could be going on with him to explain why this guy stopped putting in the effort.

  1. His first love is the chase. Maybe he gave it his all during the chase to show you how much he wanted to be with you, only to stop once he got you where he wanted you. Now he’s backing off because he loves the excitement of the chase and isn’t really into settling into a real relationship.
  2. He’s a lazy partner. It might not be that he’s acting weird with you but that this is his relationship default setting. He’s a lazy boyfriend who expects his girlfriend to do everything. Great. Other signs you’re dealing with a lazy boyfriend include if he’s never willing to compromise and he’s always making excuses.
  3. He’s met someone else. There he was, interested in taking your relationship further when he met another woman who intrigued him more. Maybe they have a shared dating history or whatever. It doesn’t matter if they connect more than you and he connected. What matters is that he got pulled in another direction. He just doesn’t have the balls to say so… yet.
  4. He got put off. This has nothing to do with you. He might just have seen something that put him off, like a sign that you guys aren’t as compatible as he initially thought. Of course, it would be so much better if he just told you that instead of pulling away from you and making you wonder what got into him.
  5. He takes you for granted. He might be so used to having you around that he feels he can lie back and chill instead of continuing to make an effort. He knows that you’ll be there to compliment him, text him, plan dates, and make him feel special because you’ve been going the extra mile from the start. He’s too used to you being available to him all the time so he figures he doesn’t have to do much. Don’t be so available that he stops seeing your value.
  6. He’s not sure what he wants. He could be a bit all over the show. Maybe he likes you but he’s not moving things forward because he doesn’t know if he really wants a future with you. So he’s keeping you both stuck in relationship limbo. Ugh. If he’s that unsure that he’s not even making an effort anymore, then that’s a red flag he’s probably not going to have a change of mind. Besides, it would be hard to trust him if he did.
  7. You’ve been love-bombed. The love-bomber is totally toxic. He comes on strong and showers you with attention and makes you feel like he’s super-into you, but then once he has you where he wants you, he takes you for granted or shows you that he’s actually got a hidden agenda. For example, he might just be after your attention for an ego boost or he might be hoping you’ll deal with his drama.
  8. Things got too real for him. Some guys who are commitment-phobes will act like you’re the most amazing person to have walked into their lives but when you reciprocate their feelings, they back away because the honeymoon phase is going to come to an end and they’re afraid of what will happen next. So they’d rather wind down their efforts and enjoy the status quo. Yup, this guy’s on relationship cruise control.
  9. He’s being lured by the single life. Maybe he really wants to be with you but he can’t deny that he’s still being tempted by the single life, like when he sees all his single friends living it up on the regular. He might not want to be out of that life completely, which means he’s hit the pause button on your relationship.
  10. He got what he wanted. If the guy changed after you had sex, then that shows you he was just after one thing. But it’s not always about a sex-and-run. He might have got what he wanted in other ways, such as an ego boost from reeling in such a catch as you. But if he’s all about his ego, he won’t be satisfied with a real, fulfilling relationship. You shouldn’t settle for such a person. It’s no wonder guys stop putting in effort once they get the only thing they were interested in!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.