The Challenges Of Dating When You’re Kind Of A Loner

The Challenges Of Dating When You’re Kind Of A Loner ©iStock/SquaredPixels

Dating means putting yourself out there, meeting new people and putting effort into getting to know those people in the hope of making a solid connection. If you’re the type of person who feels drained after being social and you need a lot of alone time to recharge, dating can be absolutely exhausting. You still do it because you truly don’t want to end up alone, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a struggle sometimes.

  1. First dates are the actual worst. Since you probably don’t go on dates very often, when you do decide to go on one, it’s a big deal. You probably spend a lot of time getting ready while dealing with the always present internal struggle of whether or not you should just cancel. But all that pales in comparison to sitting across from a person for two hours that you can’t wait to get away from– and that’s what first dates end up being more often than not.
  2. Second dates are only slightly better. While some of the awkwardness will be gone by the second date, that doesn’t mean you’re 100 percent comfortable with this new person. At least it doesn’t mean you would choose him over a night at home with a new episode of Girls.
  3. You’d rather spend an evening alone than go on a date. If you schedule a date for a Saturday, that has potential to ruin your entire weekend. Weekends are your time to relax and recharge, and if this date doesn’t end up being worth giving up an evening, you’re won’t be impressed.
  4. The longer you date, the more time you’re expected to spend together. Once you get past the awkward getting to know each other stage, you’ll be more comfortable spending time with him. But that certainly doesn’t mean you need to see him every day or be in each other’s presence 24/7. That seems to be a side effect of being in a serious relationship though.
  5. You prefer to sleep alone. With dating comes sex and the inevitable sleepovers where you lie there staring at the ceiling while he snores beside you. Would it be weird to have sex with him and then ask him to go sleep on the couch? Yes. Yes it would.
  6. You don’t miss people easily. Sometimes you’re enjoying your time to yourself so much that you don’t even really mind that you haven’t seen him in a week. You’d probably be really good at being in a long distance relationship, actually. How do you go about finding yourself one of those?
  7. Me time is a necessity for your sanity. Like you actually have a hard time functioning when you’ve had to spend a long period of time socializing. You need time alone to unwind or you’ll become irritable and withdrawn, and nothing good ever comes from those things.
  8. You’re set in your ways. Compromising for other people has never really been something you’ve had to do very often. It’s not like you aren’t capable of it, but at the same time, you like doing things your way. If you really like someone, you’ll adjust some of your routines, but you’ll do it grudgingly.
  9. You cancel dates for no real reason. You’ll always come up with a reason of course, but it’s most likely some kind of BS like your friend is going through a break up, you have to work late, or you really feel like you’re coming down with something. You don’t even really care if they believe you or not most of the time either.
  10. Some people just don’t understand your need for space. Just like you prefer to recharge by spending time alone, other people prefer to be around people. They get restless and lonely easily, and they absolutely hate sleeping alone. No matter how much you want it, you probably won’t be compatible with someone who has to be super social all the time, but there’s really nothing you can do about that.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.