If He Only Gets In Contact At Night, You Probably Weren’t First On The List

If a guy really likes you, he’s going to make time for you during daylight hours. You might feel flattered when your crush texts you “Hey, gorgeous” or asks if you’re still awake and want to hang out late at night, but if he only gets in contact at night, he’s not really that interested.

  1. You’re not a priority. A guy who really likes you isn’t going to wait until 2 a.m. to give you a shout. He’ll be firing up your phone during the day because he likes chatting with you so much. He’s texting you at dodgy times because it’s convenient for him. When a guy only gets in contact at night, it’s because that’s when he has nothing better to do.
  2. This is not about conversation — it’s a booty callIf you’ve grown to expect texts in the early hours, you have to wonder why he’s only making contact at those times. Hello, it’s a booty call. Although it’s a romantic idea to think he couldn’t sleep because he was swarmed with thoughts of you, it’s more than likely a sexual thing. And, if he’s that comfortable with sending you such texts, it’s probably because he’s done it with other people before you.
  3. He didn’t score at the club. Those misspelled texts point to him being drunk. If he’s sending texts really late, he probably tried to score with someone during his night out who dissed him and then this made him try his other options once he got home: texting women he thought would be keen to hook up or sext him. Dating pools have become bigger, both in real life and via text, so chances are he’s working both.
  4. The guy is horny. Period. If his texts are really hectic, they make you feel uncomfortable but also used. Come on — if he can be that comfortable with being so sexual with you, he’s obviously doing this stuff all the time. It’s rare for a guy to only sext one woman unless she’s his girlfriend and they have much more going on for them than just sexting.
  5. He’s going to try to blind you with charm. Don’t be fooled into thinking that his charming, complimentary texts mean that he’s interested. Think of it as booty call foreplay, a way for him to get what he wants. He probably reckons he’s skilled when it comes to chatting dirty to women because he knows he first has to butter them up with some charming texts. What a loser.
  6. His d**k pics have a social life. Ah, the dreaded d**k pic. The late-at-night texter is likely to send you penis pics (often unrequested) in the hope that this will turn you on. (Insert eye roll.) Why would a guy do that? It’s simple: he wants to get off and he’s trying his luck with you and others to see who will take the bait. It’s clear he’s not really focused on you at all but anyone who’s available. He’s literally throwing it out there. Throw the jerk back out into the dating pool.
  7. You’re his fallback girl. Sometimes late-at-night texters will come in and out of your life. You know the ones: they text you for a while and then disappear, only to send you a “Hey, how’s it going?” text at 3 a.m. If this is what the guy’s doing to you, then he’s really just keen on some fun and knows that you’re someone who will reply to him when others ignore his ass.
  8. He suggests spontaneous plans to lure you in. It’s one thing for a guy to want to sext late at night, but what happens if the guy is asking you where you are late at night, in the hope of meeting? He might tell you that he’s just come back from a party and is in your neighborhood, hoping to see you for a chat and walk. But seriously, why would he be asking you out so late? Spontaneous can be sexy, but when he only does it late at night it’s suspicious. Forget him. He’s hoping that walk will lead straight to his bed.
  9. He was “thinking about you”? Um, sure. He might text to say that he was just thinking about you. This is especially likely if he’s unsure about what your reaction to his texts will be. He’s testing the waters and hoping you’ll be keen to chat and possibly sext. The more romantic and thoughtful his opening texts are, the more likely he’s been dissed by other women before you.
  10. He’s clearly bored. Even if he’s not sexting you, he could just be hoping for some flirty conversation because he’s bored and lonely. He’s lying on the couch, wanting someone to distract him from his feelings or provide some late-night entertainment. But then he doesn’t text when things are going great for him? Nah uh. That’s BS.
  11. He’s been at this for hours. If you regularly get texts and sexts really late, like around one or two in the morning, a habit is forming. The guy is reaching out when he needs something from you, but it’s not like he just decided to reach out to someone at that time. He’s probably been sending texts to other women from earlier in the night or spending time with them in real life, and when those interactions ended, he decided to turn to you. You’re just one in his long list of booty call options, which is why his contact only comes in the dead of night.

What to do when he only gets in contact at night

  1. Don’t respond. This is really the only piece of advice you need to know/should follow, which is why it’s the first thing on the list. When a guy makes it clear that he’s only interested in getting in touch at night, the best thing you can do is to completely ignore him and not respond until the following day. He’ll soon get the hint that you’re onto him.
  2. If you do respond, don’t play into his games. If you do decide to text him back, do not take the bait. If he tries to initiate flirty comments or sexting, don’t even go there. Talk to him about totally normal things that have nothing to do with anything suggestive and see how quickly the conversation ends.
  3. Don’t invite him over or agree to meet up. The worst thing you can do is to respond with the fact that you’re still awake and also bored/horny and agree to have him over or to go over to his place. You’re playing right into his hands if you do this. Instead, make it clear that you’re in for the night – on your own.
  4. Tell him you’ll text him tomorrow. Let him know that you love talking to him but that you’d rather get in contact when it’s not the middle of the night. Tell him you’ll text him or even call him tomorrow morning or afternoon so you can catch up properly. See how he responds to that and that should tell you all you need to know.
  5. Suggest hanging out during daylight hours. He “really wants to see you,” does he? Cool. Ask him if he’d like to go for brunch this weekend or grab a coffee in the morning before hitting up the greenmarket. If those plans just don’t work for him and he’s only available at night, you’re not available for him.
  6. Block and delete him. This one goes hand in hand with #1 on this list. Once you catch onto his game, you can make a conscious decision not to play it. Instead, you can choose not to engage or respond and send your own message by deleting him and blocking him from your phone. Good riddance!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.