How To Cut Off An Almost Relationship Before It Happens

We’ve all been there: you meet an awesome guy that you’re totally into, and then things crash and burn faster than you can delete his number from your iPhone. There are lots of reasons for almost relationships – our hook-up culture, our supposed fear of commitment – but at the end of the day, it’s your choice whether you’re going to be an innocent bystander or stop the vicious cycle. Here’s how to cut this off before it happens – so you can get a relationship without the “almost” in front.

Stop the 24/7 texting.

If there’s one thing that every almost relationship has in common, it’s that the guy will text you constantly. He asks how your day was, what you’re up to this evening, and he rarely asks you to actually do anything. These texts put a smile on your face and get your hopes up. If you’re looking for something real, then it’s totally cool to text back and say, “Look, you’re cool, but is there actually going somewhere?” You’ll have your answer.

Decide after date #3 what you want.

Typically, we’re pretty sure how we feel about someone by the time the third date ends. By then, we’ve spent a few hours or evenings with someone, have chatted about jobs and school and dreams and TV shows, and we get a sense of who they are. If you’re cool with something casual and you sense that’s where things are headed, there’s no shame in that game. If you’re not and you’re getting a casual vibe, then make a decision.

Always be upfront and honest.

Almost relationships seem to occur so often because we’re afraid to be honest about how we feel. One person thinks things are totally great the way they are (usually the guy) and the other person is wondering when the romance is going to officially begin. There’s no guarantee that he’s going to be open about what he wants, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be clear about your expectations.

Go on real dates.

Sure, sometimes we go for dinner and see movies and an almost relationship is still the result, but there’s no harm in going out in public to see how things develop. At least then you’ll know you did everything you could and you didn’t just sit on his couch all the time and then wonder why romance didn’t occur.

Date around.

Maybe it’s your style to see three guys at the same time until a relationship happens with one of them, or maybe you like going on a few dates with one person. We’re all different and there’s no right or wrong when it comes to how we date. If you have a feeling that one person isn’t going to be your capital b Boyfriend, though, there’s no harm in seeing what else is out there. You can always decide later who you want to be with.

Watch the signs.

You’ve been down this road before, so you can recognize the signs and symptoms of an almost relationship: the hope, the disappointment, the always wanting something a bit more than what this guy can give you. Once you start getting major déjà vu, you can definitely stop talking to him. You survived it before, you can survive it this time, too.

Ask for advice.

Sometimes we all need a little help and it’s not the kind found in women’s magazines, although that seems to be the go-to place for life and love advice. Get together with your best friend, call your mom, Facebook message and older and hopefully wiser family friend. Ask what they think this guy is thinking/doing and see how you feel when you get their response. Sometimes it takes asking for help to realize we know what to do all along.

Ask him.

It’s scary to be straight-up with a guy and yet so necessary. Why not tell him that you’ve been in this place before and are looking for something a bit more stable than just casually hanging out? If he says he wants that too, then you’ll be thrilled. If he’s not into it, then at least you know sooner rather than later.

Protect yourself.

No one should ever make us feel bad about ourselves or like we’re not good enough to be someone’s girlfriend. You 100 percent deserve to be a girlfriend, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If you find yourself in a going-nowhere-fast type of situation and it’s making you feel crappy, lose his number. You’ll be so much happier – and will be free to find someone who makes you happy, too.

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