The Daily Struggles Of Being A Woman Who’s Clumsy As Hell

When the heavens showered blessings of fine motor skills to creatures on earth, they missed you by a mile. Graceful is not a word that could ever be used to describe you, especially not when you bump into things and break them on a daily basis. If you’re clumsy as hell, you can probably relate to the following:

A day doesn’t go by without you getting a bruise. 

You can’t walk five feet without hitting something or tripping on your own feet. Your friends and family are always a bit concerned when you show up looking like you’ve done a round with Mike Tyson, but they don’t have to worry — you’re just clumsy.

Heels are a definite no-go — you stick to wearing flats. 

You trip even when barefoot or wearing a pair of flats, so why on earth would you even think about wearing heels, wedges or any footwear in existence with a heel that’s more than an inch from the ground?

Putting on mascara is fatal.

You want thick, beautiful lashes like other women… except every time you attempt it, you nearly blind yourself with the mascara wand. Ugh.

You can forget about painting your nails. 

Despite your best efforts, you can’t get your new mani to look decent. The finished product is always like it was done by your 4-year-old little sister than a grown woman. You’ll stick to natural nails.

You can’t wear anything that’s white. 

You own literally zero white pieces of clothing since you know you’ll just end up spilling on yourself anyway. This doesn’t really phase you (black is more your thing, anyway) but when you think about your future wedding, you start to get a little worried.

Your BFFs never let you borrow their stuff. 

Even if they love you, you’ve caused so much damage to their wardrobe and beauty essentials than they’re willing to overlook. It’s not that you don’t take care of other people’s property, it’s just that things break so easily… right?

Your family has pretty much child-proofed the house for your visits. 

They remember all too well when you smashed the glass coffee table or when you accidentally electrocuted yourself trying to get toast out of the toaster, so they try to keep the possibilities for injury to a minimum.

You’ve gone through too many iPhones to count.

You love your phone, but you’ve spent way too much money replacing yours again and again — you never fail to drop it, resulting in a shattered screen. Yes, you use a case. Yes, you have a screen protector. They’re no match for your epic clumsiness.

You’ve been mistaken for a drunk. 

People you come across with on the street look at you with judgmental stares since you can’t seem to walk in a straight line or get down the block without bumping into someone/something. You’re dead sober, but it makes sense that other people would think you’re not. You contemplate wearing a sign that says “Not drunk, just clumsy” every time you go out with friends.

You love to dance, but people always prefer that you just just sit down. 

You have little to no rhythm and the chances of punching people on the dance floor are pretty high, but who cares? You’ll dance the night away because life’s too short to let clumsiness stand in your way.

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