He wanted a relationship with me the minute he met me — he just didn’t want to have sex. Ever. Yes, you read that right. I dated a guy who was saving himself for marriage and while I thought it was going to make things impossible, it was actually AMAZING. I never felt pressured and I was able to get to know him on a more emotional level. Don’t get me wrong, sex is great, but with him I learned it’s not always necessary for a good relationship — here’s why:
We had our own rules. There was no such thing as the “three date rule.” I could take leftovers home after every date without it being a total hard-on killer. Have you ever noticed how much thought goes into dating? Not stressing about sex related stuff was kinda nice. I didn’t have to worry about being too easy or too hard to get — I could actually enjoy our dates instead of stressing over the fact that I forgot to shave above the knee… again.
He was incredibly confident. His friends were all desensitized to sex, but he cherished it. He was saving himself for marriage, regardless of what other people thought. I don’t know about you, but I think a guy who stands for something is incredibly sexy. He wasn’t the kind of person who let other’s influence his decisions. He knew what he wanted — his decisiveness (partnered with my indecisiveness) made our relationship work.
I became more self-disciplined. He was already the most self-disciplined guy I’d ever met. I, on the other hand, was not! I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t want to have sex with him — I wanted to jump his bones at least 10 times a day. I had to practice self-control and keep the beast inside of me calm. It wasn’t easy, but taming my sexual urges helped discipline me for other, more important things.
We talked about everything. Taking the physical side out of the equation made us rely solely on the emotional. I told him everything, things a lot of people didn’t know. He was a huge fan of conversation. When I talked, he really focused on what I was saying. He’d put his phone down and give me unlimited eye contact. He made me feel safe and like everything I said was important (which it most certainly wasn’t).
Kissing is underrated. When he kissed me, it was like sex. I’m serious! Not having actual intercourse made not so intimate things way more enjoyable! Kissing, hand holding — hell, even hugging gave me butterflies. It felt like I was back in high school, just without the teen angst and drama. Our relationship was completely based off the little things, and it’s the little things that made our relationship successful.
My time was spent elsewhere. Sex takes up time! The actual act might not take that long, but there’s a ton of prep time. Shaving, buying condoms, and dropping hundreds on lingerie at Victoria’s Secret — that crap adds up real quick. Instead of making sure I looked good naked, I paid more attention to looking good with clothes on. Needless to say, I saved a ton of money.
He made me feel special. He wasn’t interested in sex, so he focused more on a girl’s personality than her physical appearance. The fact that he was interested in me made me feel incredibly special. I’m not saying my looks didn’t matter to him, they just weren’t the most important factor. It felt good to not have to question his intentions. I was dating someone who wasn’t just interested in sleeping with me, and I knew that for a fact.
We were still intimate. Intimacy doesn’t always have to go hand in hand with sex. We were close — honestly, we were probably closer than a lot of other couples out there. We didn’t need to have sex to feel like we were “together.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m nowhere near anti-sex — it just wasn’t necessary to heighten our relationship. I felt closer to him than any other guy from my past, and that’s saying something.
Sex didn’t cloud judgment. Sex complicates things — it can cloud your judgment and make you blind to who a person really is. Even if the sex is just casual, you feel somewhat of a connection to the other person. Those stupid hormones are released and you’re too busy having an orgasm to realize your brain is tricking you into feelings. My mind couldn’t be tricked and neither could his — it was nice to know our feelings were real.
I learned a lot. Waiting to have sex with someone adds a ton of excitement to the relationship! I wasn’t rushing down the aisle or anything, but I definitely had something to look forward to if we ever did. Dating him, taught me that there are other, more intimate, ways to show affection. I learned that a relationship can exist without sex! Emotional connections need to be embraced more than the physical ones, no matter how sexy those physical connections might be.
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