When you have great chemistry at work, it may seem like a great idea to take your relationship outside the office. Turns out, it’s a lot more difficult—and a lot more disastrous—than I could have imagined.
- After he was hired, he became my go-to friend. Unlike a lot of the people at the company, he was actually around my age, which was an immediate thing to bond over. Then we started working together on projects and realized we had the same sense of humor. Pretty soon, we were completing each other’s punchlines and were basically work besties.
- I started enjoying work a lot more. I didn’t mind the job, but suddenly I was giddy about going in. On days when he was out of the office, the hours went by a lot slower. It seemed like he felt the same way—on a day when I was out sick, I came back to a long note on my desk of all the things I missed throughout the day. It’s almost like he wanted to keep me up to speed and it made me smile.
- Eventually, I admitted to myself that I had a crush. I tried really hard to keep telling myself that he was just a friend and a coworker but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Of course, I wanted to be cautious so I tried being a little more flirty to see if he’d get the hint. It took some time—we were about to cross a dangerous line so we both needed to make sure that there was no miscommunication. Finally, after a Christmas party where we both had a couple of drinks, the truth was revealed and we kissed for the first time.
- We had to keep things quiet. It gets really hard to hide a romantic relationship since you feel like you’re living a secret life. Still, we knew that our boss wouldn’t love the fact that we started dating so we had to pretend that we were just friends and nothing more. Since we live in a smaller town, it was also hard to hide our dates. Suddenly we both got very paranoid that we’d be outed, even having a pre-prepared story in case a coworker saw us grabbing dinner together.
- When we got into a fight, it was the tensest work day ever. About three months in, we had our first big fight. It was about something stupid but accidentally carried into work where we were working on a big assignment together. Suddenly, lines were blurred and I found myself vetoing his ideas just because I was mad. I was acting the way I told myself I never would.
- Eventually, we both got a little sick of each other. It’s kind of cute to have that work crush, but what happens when you end up spending literally all day together? He never officially moved in but he usually hung out at my place most nights. Work became less fun and more of a drag since it was no longer novel to see him. Instead, I cherished moments where I was alone.
- We both felt a little trapped. What happens when you want to break up with a coworker? We’d still see each other every day and be part of each other’s lives. Unfortunately, neither of us thought of this before. We were too caught up in the moment. The thing is, we still liked each other but romantically, things were getting a little stale. After a while, people got the hint that we were dating so the thrill of keeping it a secret was also no longer on the table. Turns out, our boss knew the entire time.
- We tried to have a clean breakup. The good part about me and my now-ex? We’re reasonable, civil people. There was no big drama that happened between us to make me hate him. That said, it was still very difficult to break up. Every time I saw him at work, I kind of forgot that we were no longer together and I missed him a little bit. I started really doubting the decision. Maybe he was “The One,” but based on the arrangement, we got too close too fast.
- It took me getting a new job to get over him for good. I’m so lucky to have found a brand new job that the equivalent of a promotion. Not seeing him on a daily basis helped so much. We were both able to officially move on. We still chat on occasion but have dated other people since and we’re legitimately happy for each other.
- The whole thing taught me a huge lesson. Dating a coworker is a commitment you need to be willing to make and you need to have a gameplan in place. Personally, I’d never do it again. I knew it’d be difficult, but I never realized how much emotional work would go into it. If you’re into a coworker, just know that it might end with you polishing up your resume.
