Dating In A Big City Sucks — More People Does Not Equal More Options

Dating is tough anywhere, but it can be especially tough in a big city. It seems like it would be easier because there are more people, but that’s not always the case. There are a lot of obstacles to meeting your match when you live in the urban jungle. Here are just a few:

  1. You develop a bubble. It’s easy to keep yourself removed from everyone when you’re in a big city. You go about your routine, see the same people day in and out, and don’t talk to anyone unless it’s necessary. The energy of the city can be draining and leaves you no capacity to meet new prospects despite the large number of people who surround you every day.
  2. Your social network stops expanding. At a certain point, you get pretty settled in your routine. You have a busy city life, and there’s not much time to get out and do new things. You barely have time for your closest friends, and you don’t meet anyone new anymore.
  3. You spend all your time getting places. Whether you’re on the bus or on the train, there’s not much chance of you finding love in transit. Obviously it’s worse if you’re commuting via automobile, but everyone on the train puts on their headphones and tunes out the world, too. Plus, approaching someone on the subway is pretty creepy.
  4. There’s always someone better around the corner. This is a strangely common illusion when you live somewhere highly populated. No one is actually meeting anyone new, but there are so many intriguing strangers around at all times, it seems unwise to settle on just one. What if the real love of your life is on the next block? This type of thinking leads to loneliness and dissatisfaction.
  5. It’s hard to meet someone with common interests. It seems like there would be so much to do and so many places to go in the city — and there are. It’s just a matter of having time to get out there. You don’t want to date people at work, and it’s not always possible to meet guys who engage in similar hobbies.
  6. People have short attention spans. This is a huge handicap of city living. There’s so much to see and do and so many places to go that it’s hard to lock anyone down. You all have busy lives already, so if there’s not an instant attraction, it’s easy to let things go instantly. It doesn’t seem worth the effort.
  7. No one wants to date unless it’s convenient. In the city, proximity to the person you date is a big deal. Driving an hour in traffic each way sucks, especially once the glow of new infatuation wears off. You already spend all your time commuting. You’ve probably discounted guys simply because you don’t want to make the effort to travel a long way to see them.
  8. Your schedules get in the way. If you have non-traditional work hours and your potential partner works a 9-to-5, forget it. You’ll never see each other. Why even go there when you know it won’t pan out? There’s nothing more frustrating than liking someone and realizing you can’t make it work because you’re both already so committed to other things, but that’s common when you live in a place that constantly has you running from point A to point B.
  9. Everyone is focused on their careers.  Most people live in the city in order to pursue some sort of dream or career. Usually those endeavors take up a lot of time and effort. They’re the priority, and you don’t have extra hours to devote to finding a life partner. The job comes first, and by the time you achieve your goals, you look around and realize no one’s left for you to date.
  10. No one is in any rush to commit. There will be time for that later, right? You want to enjoy your life as a young person in the city. You want to be free and independent and do whatever you want. You’ll hang out casually for a little while, but you won’t be tied down to any one person. When everyone feels that way, dating becomes difficult.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at