It’s too bad we spent our teen years memorizing the “rules of dating” according to Carrie Bradshaw, since by the time we hit our 20s, every single expectation of how we’d meet “The One” had been completely dashed by the reality of online dating. Tinder in particular has dramatically shifted the dating paradigm — and by shifted, I mean it’s totally killed dating altogether.
Welcome To The World Of Constant Comparison. As if being compared to flawless movie stars, models and exes wasn’t enough, now guys have literally hundreds of girls at their fingertips that they can compare you with at any given time. Apps like Tinder built up a lot of their fame because of the “swiping” option, allowing you to reject or select anyone in seconds. On the one hand, it’s fun to play the hot or not game; on the other, it’s not so much fun when you start to think about who’s saying you’re “not.”
You can find immediate satisfaction At A Bar Near You. Not only do these apps put a never-ending stream of images of beautiful women in front of guys now, but they also make it incredibly easy to actually meet these women in real life. With limited to no effort (a swipe or simple message), a guy can find a girl relatively close to his location in a very short span of time. The fact that everyone always has their phones on them and singles will likely be checking their apps at peak times like Friday and Saturday nights gives guys a pretty damn good chance of finding someone willing to sleep within an hour or less.
No strings attached Sex Removes Any Expectation Of Chivalry. Not that random hookups don’t have their benefits, but being able to constantly get some ass anytime he wants is going to eliminate any inkling to act like a gentleman. Why should he cook you breakfast or remember your name when he’s probably already swiping through his phone for who he’ll sleep with tonight? His ability to keep this pattern of booty calls going will probably seriously dissuade him from trying to get to know you or take it slow. No need to ask for your number when he can just ask for what he really wants.
Profiles Ruin First Date Conversations. If you’re lucky enough to find someone who wants to spend a bit of time hanging out and seeing if you might get along, there’s almost no chance you’ll have that first date magic conversation. Thanks to detailed profiles and Facebook, you can find out most of the stuff that used to be exciting to learn on a first date: where he’s from, what he does, what his passions are, what his favorite movie is… You’ll show up so well-versed in everything “him” that every word out of his mouth will probably seem like a boring repeat. Also, there’s nothing that’ll bring the conversation to a screeching halt like you accidentally revealing you’ve done just a bit too much online stalking when you mention how you’ve also taken a trip to Iceland… before he tells you himself.
You’re No Longer A Person, You’re a Profile Picture. Dating apps have the charming side effect of making each face that you swipe right or left not a person, but part of a game. You’ve probably experienced it yourself. When you’re casually flipping through pictures, you completely disassociate from the fact that these are real people, not just images. If they were standing in front of you, you’d probably be a lot more hesitant to dismiss someone into the “no” category. This can work to cut through the crap of being polite, but it also just contributes to guys seeing women as essentially replaceable and interchangeable.
We Curate Our Best Selves, Not Necessarily Our Real Selves. Do you usually pick dating profiles pics of you lounging in front of the TV eating cereal and watching your fifth season of Friends in a row? No, you find your most glamorous selfies in the best lighting making you look like the MOST fun ever. Do you write that your job completely sucks and you’re feeling kind of listless about your future? No, you mention your amazing travels from college and your passion for learning guitar. Dating profiles build up unrealistic expectations for the viewer. So, even if you might have gotten along, being different from this ideal version of yourself that your date has already met online could blow the whole relationship before it’s even begun.
It’s A Numbers Game. The most desperate of the desperate to get laid are able to use dating apps in a couple of very efficient ways. You’ve likely seen it before — the obviously copied and pasted, “Hey beautiful, how about we get to know each other ;)” messages. You probably don’t fall for them much anymore, but hey, if he’s cute… right? Then there are the guys who swipe right on everyone, figuring it makes their chances of a match pretty high. Once they have a big enough selection, they’ll decide which one’s the winner for the night. It used to take years to build up a little black book of women to call, now it’s minutes before a guy can talk to dozens of women at the same time.
It’s Not All Bad — You Can Play The Game Too. True, these apps have probably banished traditional dating to the land of other extinct things like dinosaurs and MySpace, but that doesn’t mean you can’t use them to your benefit too. You may have trouble finding a soulmate among the penis pics and compulsive liars on these dating apps, but you sure as hell can get laid, same as the boys.
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