You seem to do everything right in dating. You “put yourself out there,” stay open to people outside of your typical type, have an awesome independent life that means you’d like a partner but don’t need one… On paper, you’re the perfect candidate for finding your soulmate. However, you’re still attracting the wrong guys and you can’t quite figure out why. Here’s what might be going on.
- You don’t know your worth. You just don’t realize how special you are and how worthy of healthy, strong, unconditional love. Maybe you’ve been in one too many bad relationships with guys who convinced you that’s how love goes and that’s just how guys are. Maybe you think you don’t deserve any better than mediocre. If you don’t know your worth and hold potential boyfriends to high standards to honor that worth, it’s no wonder you keep attracting the wrong guys.
- Your loneliness allows you to overlook red flags. When you’ve been on your own for a long time, it’s natural to get to a point where you feel like, hey, maybe being with a total jerk is better than being alone. It’s not! If you allow your loneliness to push you to overlook red flags, you’re bound to end up with someone who’s just not worth your time. Remember that being alone is far, far better than being with someone who’s not on your level or who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
- You’re a people pleaser. Perhaps you keep attracting the wrong guys because you don’t know how to say no or hold your ground. As a people pleaser, you go out of your way to ensure that no one ever thinks anything bad of you (which is impossible because you can’t dictate anyone’s thoughts) and to make sure everyone else is happy even if it means you’re not. This is the kind of behavior liars, players, and other losers take advantage of. Don’t let it happen to you.
- You think you can change them. If the bad boy seems really attractive but you’re holding out hope that you’ll be able to change him and mold him into your perfect boyfriend, you’re kidding yourself. You’ll keep attracting the wrong guys forever if you believe this fallacy. You will never be able to change anyone who doesn’t want to make that change themselves, and you shouldn’t have to. You need a partner, not a project. Remember that.
- You had terrible (or no) male role models growing up. Maybe you grew up with a toxic father or your parents were divorced but your mother dated men who were less than desirable. Maybe your dad wasn’t around at all so you developed the idea that all men will leave you so it doesn’t matter which ones you date while they’re around. It’s important to heal your thoughts about and relationships with men if you want to stop attracting the wrong ones.
- You’re a hopeless romantic. This might not seem like a bad thing and it doesn’t have to be. However, if you’re willing to accept certain guys because they match an archetype you’ve seen in rom-coms, that’s a problem. Demand better of yourself and of the people you date. You deserve it.
