The Dating Struggles Of Being An Alpha Female

The Dating Struggles Of Being An Alpha Female iStock/nd3000

As an alpha female, I can tell you that we’re wildly independent, ferociously driven, and we favor passion over tender romanticizing. We’re also incredibly stubborn, hard-headed, and opinionated, and can be intimidating or misjudged by men. This makes our dating lives more of a challenge to navigate. As a result, dating sucks even more for alpha females than it does for the general population.

1. We have smart mouths.

We’re wildly sarcastic about nearly everything and anything we can make light of. We’re not afraid to make innuendos or express opinions that aren’t typically “ladylike” because screw that. This comes across as rude to the men whose balls aren’t big enough to date us, or sleazy to men who think we’re easy and have no depth. This is short-sighted and completely wrong, of course.

2. We’re not afraid to speak our minds.

We don’t hesitate to say exactly how we feel about something even if it means we tell a guy straight up that we don’t like the crappy thing they said or did, or how we feel about a certain controversial issue. Unfortunately, many guys would prefer that we dance around their behaviors and remain delicate instead to feel maximum masculinity.

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4. We take the lead, and that makes most men run.

An alpha female knows exactly what she wants and doesn’t hesitate to go for it. We’ll ask you out first, kiss you first, and unbutton our jeans first when the mood is right. We need a man who can handle this, and not feel emasculated by it. Not only do we take charge on matters of intimacy, but we’re the kind of girlfriends who’ll get stuff done, whether it’s booking a trip or planning the most amazing Super Bowl party you’ve ever had, complete with kegs and steak sandwiches.

5. We’re unfazed by cliché romance.

The alpha female favors passion over romance. While flowers are sweet and all, we would rather be greeted with long passionate kisses in the hallway, leading to something a little more creative than vanilla dates and sack sessions.

6. We’re challenging.

We aren’t afraid to get into a debate with our men – which they hate to lose, and so do we. This can turn into some pretty butt-hurt reactions from a man or the cliché logic that we’re “just nuts.” We don’t find an issue with having intelligent debate and we’re not trying to be unruly. We have our own opinions and thoughts, and if men can’t handle them, oh well.

7. Guys assume we don’t have a softer side.

Because we boss it in pretty much every area of life 24/7, many guys assume that we’re like this all the time. Because of this, they often overlook or completely neglect our more vulnerable side, either because they don’t think it exists or because they think we’re emotionally repressed and would never open up. As a result, many of our relationships end up feeling shallow and unfulfilling. We just want them to dig deeper!

8. We have very few damsel-in-distress moments.

Have you ever driven by a woman on the highway who’s changing her own flat tire? She’s likely an alpha female. We don’t mind having a man help us with the more challenging handy work, but if he’s not around, we will figure out how to do it ourselves and not complain about it.

9. We’re genuinely busy, and it frustrates guys.

We’re likely in a position of leadership or at the very least, slaying it at whatever we do. This means that we devote a good chunk of our time to doing the things we love and want to do, whether it’s our career, hobbies, or sports we participate in. It’s not that we don’t want you to be a part of it or aren’t interested, but we’re a challenge to get time with — and not in a gamey way, but rather a “we’ve got real stuff to do” way.

10. We don’t tolerate mansplaining or condescension.

A lot of guys like to feel like they’re the ones in control. They have a hero instinct and thrive on feeling like they’re the ones taking care of us and running the show. The problem with that is that it really doesn’t gel with the alpha female personality type. We’re not only perfectly self-sufficient, we’re also really smart and capable. There’s no bigger turn-off than guys who feel the need to infantilize us, and it happens more often than we’d like to admit.

11. It’s so hard to find an equal partner.

As alpha females, we’re looking for a guy who’s on our level. We want someone who will match our energy and our effort, someone who’s ambitious, emotionally intelligent, and who loves with all his heart. Finding someone who’s all-in — and that means really, truly all-in — is like finding a needle in a haystack, and it seriously sucks.